No Longer Longing
I'm in the middle of Venice, being a stoop kid on some steps of an old church. As I'm writing this as Im watching a group of young, lively Italians at the bar. The pigeons and seagulls are assessing us to see if anyone has food for them. A weathered pale pink brick building and a chipping-away beige building stand across the canal from me. People picked these steps seeming to seek refuge from the sun and perhaps to take it all in like me. I hear no signs of English and that delights me. I see a couple making out in the corner where the sun meets the shade. No one pays them any mind. People walk by with fans frantically waving to attempt to break the heat. The sun is starting to hit my legs but I don't dare move as this spot is alive with the energy of Italy. People meeting in the piazza freely expressing their delight in life.
Hard to believe I would be flying home today had I not extended my stay. I remind myself as I wrote this sentence, ‘You'll make the money back. You have one more week in Italy what a gift to yourself.’ A couple beside me leaves, a welcomed interruption from the anxious thoughts I work daily to contain. This couple lay silently on the steps, sharing a snack and playing gently with each other's hands. Clearly in love. The pigeons gather to eat their crumbs to clear away any remnants of them on the stoop.
Traveling alone once left me with a longing for someone to travel with me. Someone to lay silently on a step and caress my hand. This trip, however, I am perfectly content in my presence. I am in love with my existence. I don't long for anything other than being present at this very moment. I believe this is the place the universe has been pushing towards. Many failed attempts at what could be love, many sweet connections without the depth that love with me holds, and many times I wished for someone to work out for me & that disappointment to lead to understanding. I needed to be alone to reach this peace of okayness in being alone.
Okay doesn't suffice, really. I'm vibrating with joy in my existence. I trust my ability to support myself, I trust my skills to bring hope to the world. The work I've done to elevate an already high existence is showing. I know that if a new love story does come along, we will be two complete souls in our passions and energy, combining not for codependency but co-creation. I'm no longer longing. Instead, I'm living in full awareness of the blessing of being in every moment. Of course, this one in particular is pretty spectacular.
A new group of vivacious twentysomes come and sit next to me cups full just as I thought I was done with this spot. One of the girls excitedly jumps to the front of the steps to photograph them. Their Italian flows as freely as their cocktails. No one is aware of how much their existence delights me, about how I'm smiling as I jot to myself the magnificence of being present in this moment in their lives. I will return to my hotel soon to get ready for a concert, and the thought of watching strings in an old church play classical music in the heart of Venice makes my heart beam with gratitude. What else could I possibly long for?
To see more Musings inspired by my time in Italy check out the YouTube Video Florence inspired or the YouTube Video Manarola inspired .
Thank you for following along and I’ll excited share what gets inspired next.