40 things I've learned in my 40 years on Earth
I turned 40 this weekend and it inspired me to share 40 things I’ve learned in my 40 years on Earth.
It’s easy to live life as if life will continue to go on as normal, but that’s not always true, and to live in truth means to live in reverence of each day we do get. When we live in that awareness not only does it keep us in reality but it helps us be more fully present in moments. If this can all end for me and my loved ones then I hope we really soak in each minute we get in this gift that we call life.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, the work you do does. The phrase, “time heals all wounds,” has profoundly bothered me most of my life but it took me doing my own healing work to truly understand why. Yes, by nature time passing does make things less present in our minds but that doesn’t equate healing.
Gratitude isn’t just a trend that spiritual people are doing, it will change your life. When you can find the things in your life that you feel grateful for it helps that list grow. Perspective matters and gratitude is the fastest way to change your perspective on life. Gratitude is my day-to-day practice and it’s made my life brighter and more hopeful. Even on my darkest days I still find things to feel thankful for, and that returns the light a little bit.
Two things can exist at once: you can be extremely grateful and still sad or anxious. It’s okay to embrace both.
Until you feel at peace with who you are you will seek to fill a void in the outside world. You’ll be seeking for a long time, because you are the only one who can bring yourself that peace.
Being distracted from your problems isn't solving your problems. Sitting in the pain, discomfort, frustrations, and allowing yourself to experience whatever it is life is bringing you is how you solve your problems. Facing life is how you grow from it.
No matter how brave I become I still do most things scared, and embracing that instead of begrudging it helps me continue to show up in all things scary and exciting in life.
Pausing can change everything. Trying to change a habit, pause before you’re doing things and ask yourself why, trying to stop reacting, pause before the response and ask yourself if you will be okay with these words tomorrow. A pause gives you just enough time to think about what you are doing instead of allowing patterns to play out. Sitting in stillness to allow intentional pauses in your day is a wonderful way to pull on the pause when you’re triggered and need it most.
Sitting and watching birds bounce around on a branch as they chirp back and forth to their friends is as enriching as any stimulation you can watch on a screen, if not more.
Understanding yourself holds more value than any possession you own. Understanding yourself helps you know why you move the way you do in the world and how to gain control over any unconscious patterns.
Don’t spend too much time thinking about how to figure out how to do something, instead play and watch the answers reveal themselves. As an artist when I’m trying to figure out how to draw a bird vs when I allow myself to draw and see what comes out I always find more ease and clarity when I play. Play keeps you tapped into the inner wisdom that can be blocked when you overthink.
There is a solution to every problem. While it Italy my phone broke and when I was at the store trying to buy a new one, I was hit with a few problems, like my phone trying to text me to see if I was really spending this money, but having no phone to reply and speaking very limited Italian, I started to cry in a panic. The lady helping me who spoke limited English, said, “There’s a solution to every problem,” and then google translated that they were going to put my sim card into another phone so I could hit yes to the text. The power in her words, that she knew this phrase, in her limited access to English words stuck with me. There is always a solution to every problem.
How you connect with yourself will be a direct relation to how you connect with others. If you haven’t met the depths of yourself you won’t understand the depths of others. If you don’t know your shadow you run the risk of lashing it out on those you love. If you don’t feel comfortable in your own being, you won’t show up fully present and people will feel that.
Trauma doesn’t have to stay stored in your body, but also requires your intention and efforts to transmute it. As a talk therapist I often encourage my clients that it’s beyond just talking about it, talking is helpful to start to process and to change your thought patterns to heal, but also there is a lot of movement that needs to happen. For me it’s been dance and creativity. Painting, drawing, dancing and allowing myself to express feelings in ways that are beyond what words can do has taken me to another level of healing.
A body in motion stays in motion is more than a catch phrase, its truth. Movement is medicine.
Show up, even when inspiration isn’t there, because inspiration only meets those who show up.
Creativity is a muscle that grows as you use it. People say things like, “I’m not creative,” which is a strange concept to me as the very essence of being is creativity. If you look at nature and every beautiful flower, and color shown, how can we not see that we are part of that creation, and that means inherently we hold that kind of creativity. It starts with just letting yourself play with no expectations in some creative way for you to really start to understand what creativity you are capable of.
Life is full of delight waiting for us to notice it. A butterfly flying by can be delightful. A flower growing on your path can be delightful. A rainbow in the sky after a storm can bring delight! Attention is the first step to delight.
Acceptance brings peace. Acceptance doesn’t mean you stay in a position or you allow bad things to happen to you but it means you accept where you are in this moment and that is how you can gain control of things. When Steve was diagnosed with ALS he didn’t choose to accept the life expectancy they were handing him or the limitations they wanted to say came with the illness but he had to accept the illness itself, because living in denial would have meant he never took his power to determine how the illness was going to look for him.
Your life only has to make sense to you. Many choices I have made including marrying a man who was just diagnosed with ALS has been questioned by someone in my life. Imagine I allowed those who didn’t understand to change my mind, how much I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Travel has a bigger return on investment than any stock you could invest into. Nothing has opened my mind or heart more than travel. Exposure to new cultures, experiences, and the opportunity to meet the challenges travel brings is some of the most life expanding gifts I’ve ever been given. So much growth happens in those uncomfortable yet beautiful moments.
How you spend your time creates your life. If you spend it comparing yourself to others constantly feeling lack then you live in that, but if you spend it discovering yourself, being curious about your capabilities, and following the things you’re passionate about you are bound to live an exciting and fulfilling life.
Discernment is crucial and the truth lies within. If you tune in you will be able to hear your inner guidance who is trying to help you navigate a world that is over-saturated with people trying to influence you. Discern who has access to you, as well as who you give your attention and energy to.
Words matter, if you say, “I’ll worry about that later,” vs, “I’ll process that later” you are determining what part of you shows up, anxiety or confidence.
There are signs everywhere if you pay attention.The world is a magical place that likes to send you little winks to let you know you’re on your right path. It also sends you very clear signs when you’re not. The art of paying attention will change everything for you.
Understanding your gut feelings and what your body is trying to communicate to you should be one of your biggest studies in life. Energy doesn’t lie so if something or someone feels off, listen to it. Learn to differentiate between anxiety and intuition by paying attention to the feelings and what life shows you. Paying attention is your teacher.
In a distracted world your focus is your biggest asset. What you give your energy to is what you’re putting your devotion to. When you think about it like that you will be more mindful of where your focus is being pulled and where you are intentionally putting it.
Rejection is redirection, as heartbreaking as it can feel in the moment with some space you will receive the clarity as to why the thing didn’t work out. Understand that a job or a relationship not working can sometimes be the biggest gift you’ve ever been given. Learning to have a little faith in the universe will lessen the heart breaks that rejection can bring.
Instead of shaming our cycles and spirals, learn from them because each time you experience something there is a deeper meaning and understanding that can come. Shame keeps you stuck, be curious as to why you’re there again and watch the cycles come to an end.
Hopefulness can get a bad name when it’s misused. There’s false hope and true hope, and learning the difference between the two is important. True hopefulness is trusting in your abilities to manage the challenges life can bring, false hope is that life will never bring you a challenge again once you get to a certain stage.
It’s okay, and in fact healthy, to change your mind. Some things it makes sense to stand firm in and with others when you’re presented with new information it’s a sign of intelligence to be open to changing your mind.
Learning to stay in your own energy no matter who you are around is one of the biggest ways you can live a happy life. The more open hearted you become the more you can feel the feelings and energies of those around you, which can be a beautiful thing because you can sense a lot of truths that people are afraid to share. Learning to manage what is yours vs others; being the thermostat and not thermometer will help you stay in your own energy. You set your temperature instead of being influenced by others. If you don’t think energy is contagious try sitting in a room with someone having a panic attack and not feeling some of that energy. Learning to be at peace in this kind of presence not only keeps you in your power but it allows you to be of service to influence the energy back to peace.
Avoiding pain/sadness/anxiety does not increase your happiness, feeling all your feelings even the hard ones is what increases happiness. You cannot know delight if you haven’t allowed your sorrow.
When we are living in alignment our creative power can manifest our wildest dreams, but it’s most important to know that what you are trying to create is in alignment with a value or purpose that is bringing good into the world and not just into yourself.
Garbage in, garbage out. My mom used to say this to me as a child about why she wouldn’t let us watch certain things, but now as an adult I have a widened perspective of it. It’s not simply about what you watch, read or hear, which yes matters, but it’s also about food. Food is medicine if chosen properly or it’s poison if not.
Being congruent matters more than what you can say you can do. How aligned you are living can be felt from those in your life. If you’re a human who is paying attention you feel if someone is saying to do something that they themselves aren’t doing. As a therapist if I tell my clients to do something that I haven’t or don’t do myself there’s a large chance they are going to pick up on that, and not take my words seriously. We can feel when someone is embodied in what they are saying. Living congruent also helps you trust yourself, because you know you mean what you say.
Applied knowledge is power. A lot of us are on a constant pursuit of knowledge because we have been told knowledge is power, but if you see how many people know what to do vs do what they know what they should do, then you can see that it’s the application of the knowledge that really gives you your power.
Trust your heart even if your mind hasn’t caught up yet. Sometimes you will feel pulled to something that your thinking mind tries to talk you out of, but if you can learn to trust your heart and understand that your mind will catch up that’s where the magic happens.
Solo adventuring is one of the most empowering activities you can do. I started this when I moved to the mountains and didn’t have anyone to hike with me, I had a choice: I could stay at home or I could equip myself with ways to feel safe to go alone. This then expanded to solo travel out of the country which has led me to truly feeling confident in myself, my abilities to read a room, and to navigate whatever challenges I’m met with. It’s led me to feel so joyful in my own company which then means I’m no longer spending time with someone because of a lack but because I truly want to be in their presence.
You are allowed to feel joy in a world that holds so much sorrow. Denying yourself the joy life brings doesn’t help you put an end to suffering. That joy is how you can fuel yourself to be of service to others. Denying joy doesn’t create balance and harmony in an unjust world, it just keeps you out of your light. If you want to spread the light, allow yourself to soak in the light the world brings you as that’s how you can then go spread your light into the world!
