From No to Now: The Path to Feeling Ready
When I moved to the mountains, I had a vision: retreats and workshops in this healing space. My roommate and I brainstormed endlessly, dreaming of what it could become. But one day, on a solo six-mile hike, I felt a visceral no in my body. It wasn’t fear—it was truth. I heard, “I’m not ready for this.”
That sentence stuck with me. What is this? What does “I’m not ready” mean? What would I need to feel ready?
The answer rose like mist through the trees: I wasn’t ready to hold space for others when I hadn’t yet held it for myself. The land was sacred, yes. The idea was beautiful. But I couldn’t yet lead people through terrain I was still crawling through.
What I needed was time. Support. Direction. A new plan.
I wasn’t ready to return to full-time work, and I was tired of hustling my art just to survive, all while battling the voice that whispered, this won’t be enough. So I did the only thing I could: I used my time in the mountains to heal.
I sat with the feelings—not to fix them, but to understand them. I journaled constantly, letting the process move through me. I brain-dumped the chaos. I celebrated tiny wins—like surviving another panic attack post-caregiving. I let myself dream again, not with pressure, but with permission. I wasn’t dreaming about what's next; I was dreaming so my spirit could remember possibilities.
I looked at my broken self—eyeball to eyeball—and gave her what she needed: support, gentleness, and acknowledgment. I wrote about what still hurt from caregiving.
The deeper I went, the clearer it became: I wouldn’t be able to build my own thing before I needed money. And that’s real. We need income to support the healing, not just to survive, but to stay on the path. So I chose to return to therapy work. I recommitted to completing the licensure process I had abandoned multiple times—most recently to care for Steve.
The hours it would take overwhelmed me. My dreams of retreats and workshops felt so far away. And patience? Not my strong suit. But this became one of the many ways I learned to practice it.
My supervisor became a lifeline, helping me process the layered complexity of holding space for trauma while navigating my own. My confidence grew in ways I didn’t know were possible.
Years passed. With each client, each coworker, each layer of healing and self-love, I grew. And when the city called me back, I answered. I left the Blue Ridge mountains with a full heart—and for the first time, I felt ready.
I had once asked myself, What will it feel like to be ready? The only answer I had was: I’ll know when I’m there.
And suddenly, I knew.
My license approval took the same amount of time it took to find my next home and step into what’s next. It was the perfect storm, shaking out the final bits of fear and doubt. The dream I had been nurturing since 2020 was finally becoming tangible.
It looks different now. I no longer co-own a mountain retreat space. But honestly? It feels more aligned than I ever could’ve imagined back then. Trusting the process brought me here—and I’m still trusting, every step.
They say, If you build it, they will come. I’ve always loved that phrase. Because if you’re truly aligned and invested, your people do find you. And while the build has been slower than my impatient soul prefers, I see it happening.
I’m brought to tears by the ones who already trust me with their healing. It’s the deepest honor—and when I question if it’s working, that trust reminds me: it is.
Still, social media has trained me to equate my worth with numbers. I have to constantly catch myself. I see posts about Steve get 20,000 views—and I’m grateful, because ALS is still tearing lives apart. I want people to see that.
But when I post about my current offerings and struggle to reach 2,000 views, I have to dig deep into my purpose and stay grounded in what I know.
The slow build is not a failure. It’s a mirror.
It’s saying: Hope, the content you’re creating is beautiful. You can feel it when it pours through you, when the chills hit as your visions land on the page. You can feel how much healing wants to move through you.
From Pedal & Process to Wellness Wander, I’ve taken honest inventory—of habits, distractions, effort. I’ve seen what’s working, and I’ve adjusted. Because now, I can feel my full-body yes. I can feel it in the way tension dissolves and expansion rises.
I’m writing this from a Switchyards desk, headphones on, phone silenced, wishing I could put the world on “Do Not Disturb.” And yet—amidst the noise—I find clarity. That question arises again: Am I ready for this to grow into what I know it can be?
Yes.
The rain taps the window beside me, refracting light into a tiny rainbow. And I realize: I’m ready to live through that prism. To let the light bend and break and become something beautiful.
I’m ready.
A few days ago, I went on a ten-mile bike ride. It was harder than I expected—I found myself gasping. But then I noticed the trees. I imagined the air in my lungs being sent from them. The Earth was exhaling into me.
I matched her rhythm.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Not gasping—expanding.
That’s what this season feels like.
The Earth is breathing life into what I’m building. I feel it. My friends, my clients, Steve, the hawks—I feel them breathing with me.
I’m ready to bring people into this clarity, this peace, this presence.
Not finally. Just—perfectly timed.
A Letter to Read at 1 AM When Your Mind is Telling You to Give Up
If you’re reading this, it means you’re awake in the quiet hours, battling a storm no one else can see. Maybe your mind is telling you that you’re too tired to keep going. Maybe it’s whispering that you don’t have it in you, that you should just stop trying.I know these thoughts. I know how convincing they can be in the dark. But I need you to hear me:
Your mind is not speaking the truth right now. It is speaking fear. It is speaking exhaustion. And exhaustion is not the same as failure.
There was a night, years ago, when I felt exactly this way. I was caregiving for Steve, and I was so tired—so stretched thin—that I snapped. I wasn’t the version of myself I wanted to be. I sat on the floor afterward, crying, wondering if I even had it in me to keep going. I thought, Maybe I’m not strong enough. Maybe I was never meant to handle this life.
But here’s what I wish someone had told me in that moment:
That moment was never proof of my weakness.
It was only proof that I was human.
And so are you.
Right now, your mind might be showing you every reason to give up. It might be painting a future that looks too hard, too lonely, too impossible.
But I need you to remember this: Your thoughts are not prophets. Just because your mind says something does not make it true.
If your thoughts are saying, I will never be okay—it’s a lie.
If your thoughts are saying, I don’t have the strength—it’s a lie.
If your thoughts are saying, Nothing will ever change—it’s a lie.
These are not truths. These are symptoms of exhaustion, of old wounds, of a body and mind crying out for rest.
When the darkness feels like it’s swallowing you, here’s how you anchor back to hope:
Come back to this moment. Not the past, not the future—just right now.
Place your hand on your heart. Feel that steady rhythm. Proof that life is still moving through you, even when it feels impossible.
Speak to yourself like someone you love. If a friend told you they felt like giving up, would you let them believe that? Would you say, Yes, you’re right, you should just stop trying? No. You would hold them. You would remind them that they are more than their hardest moment.
So, right now, be that friend to yourself. Say it out loud, even if you don’t believe it yet:
"I am not this thought. I am not my exhaustion. I will not let fear tell my story. I will not believe what my mind tells me in the dark."
Breathe in something bigger than this moment. The night is temporary. So is this feeling.
Take a breath in for four counts. Hold it for four. Breathe out for eight.
Again. And again. Until you remember that you are still here.
Right now, the darkness is lying to you. It’s telling you that you’ll never feel light again. That nothing will ever get better. That you don’t have what it takes.
But I promise you: The light is still here. You just can’t see it yet. Morning always comes. Even when you’re sure it won’t. You will wake up tomorrow, and the world will look different than it does right now. Maybe not perfect. Maybe not easy. But different. And in that difference, there will be space for something softer.
For a new thought, a new possibility, a new breath. For hope. So stay. Not because you have to.
But because you deserve to see what’s on the other side of this moment. You deserve to see yourself rise. And I promise you-you will.
Creative Fire
Creativity turned my rage into a productive use of fire. Fire requires tending—kindling, poking, air—and creativity is the same. It needs nurturing, space, and fuel. Tending to my creativity has built a life I’m excited to wake up to each day. It has opened me to the awe that surrounds me—the way the sun’s rays shine through the trees, casting patterns on my walls in the morning, the bird songs growing louder as we approach spring, the swirls in my coffee where my lactose-free milk creates unexpected patterns.
Even choosing my clothes is an act of creativity, deciding what colors and textures I want to be painted with that day, expressing the energy I’m harnessing. There’s awe in the way traffic flows through the city, in the way people dress, in the wind moving through the trees, in the daylist Spotify curated that somehow fits my mood perfectly each day. Creativity has expanded how I experience conversations, interactions, and the world itself.
It manifests in everything I do—in the way I dress, the art I make, the words I share on social media or YouTube, in my journal, my therapy and coaching sessions. Creativity reminds me that we have to build ourselves like a fire, through practice and showing up. It allows our creative voice to emerge in ways we may not even expect.
This is why creativity feels so closely linked to manifestation. Too often, I see people leaving their lives up to fate instead of actively co-creating with the universe; life requires tending to. Visualizing your dreams is just step one. To bring them into reality, we need action, consistency, belief, and creativity. Creating a dream life often means thinking outside the box, tapping into the creativity that is inherent to all of us.
Creativity saved me during my care-giving days. The anger that was eating me alive found an outlet—something that helped me transmute the energy into something productive. Now, it’s a daily practice that helps me harness my energy in a way that is constructive rather than destructive. As the world becomes more polarized and chaotic, creativity becomes even more essential. What do you do with the overwhelming feelings about everything happening around you? How do you manage the anxiety, the frustrations, the disappointments? You create with them. You write, draw, make videos, capture the awe that still exists and share it with others.
My journal is my biggest creative hub—a space for my ideas, doodles when I’m anxious, sketches of the birds, leaves, and flowers that inspire me. It’s where I reflect on the action I’m taking toward my goals, where I remind myself to stay focused, to resist the endless distractions pulling at my attention. It’s where I organize around the causes I care about.
The world needs us to focus on what causes we stand for instead of getting whiplash from the nonstop news cycle. The clearer we are on where we can make an impact, the more we know what to tune into and what to take action on. This is a time to process through creativity instead of reacting, to create space for intentional action. Do you know where you can make the most impact? If not, be curious. Journal about your gifts, explore the ways you can use them to bring positivity into the world and counterbalance the heaviness.
I’m not saying creativity can save the world—but it can save your world. It can help you show up with intention, presence, and connection. And the more we show up, the greater the ripple we create. If you want help finding a start in using creativity as a means to processing life, contact me. It would be an honor to help you Microdose hope in this way.
40 things I've learned in my 40 years on Earth
I turned 40 this weekend and it inspired me to share 40 things I’ve learned in my 40 years on Earth.
It’s easy to live life as if life will continue to go on as normal, but that’s not always true, and to live in truth means to live in reverence of each day we do get. When we live in that awareness not only does it keep us in reality but it helps us be more fully present in moments. If this can all end for me and my loved ones then I hope we really soak in each minute we get in this gift that we call life.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, the work you do does. The phrase, “time heals all wounds,” has profoundly bothered me most of my life but it took me doing my own healing work to truly understand why. Yes, by nature time passing does make things less present in our minds but that doesn’t equate healing.
Gratitude isn’t just a trend that spiritual people are doing, it will change your life. When you can find the things in your life that you feel grateful for it helps that list grow. Perspective matters and gratitude is the fastest way to change your perspective on life. Gratitude is my day-to-day practice and it’s made my life brighter and more hopeful. Even on my darkest days I still find things to feel thankful for, and that returns the light a little bit.
Two things can exist at once: you can be extremely grateful and still sad or anxious. It’s okay to embrace both.
Until you feel at peace with who you are you will seek to fill a void in the outside world. You’ll be seeking for a long time, because you are the only one who can bring yourself that peace.
Being distracted from your problems isn't solving your problems. Sitting in the pain, discomfort, frustrations, and allowing yourself to experience whatever it is life is bringing you is how you solve your problems. Facing life is how you grow from it.
No matter how brave I become I still do most things scared, and embracing that instead of begrudging it helps me continue to show up in all things scary and exciting in life.
Pausing can change everything. Trying to change a habit, pause before you’re doing things and ask yourself why, trying to stop reacting, pause before the response and ask yourself if you will be okay with these words tomorrow. A pause gives you just enough time to think about what you are doing instead of allowing patterns to play out. Sitting in stillness to allow intentional pauses in your day is a wonderful way to pull on the pause when you’re triggered and need it most.
Sitting and watching birds bounce around on a branch as they chirp back and forth to their friends is as enriching as any stimulation you can watch on a screen, if not more.
Understanding yourself holds more value than any possession you own. Understanding yourself helps you know why you move the way you do in the world and how to gain control over any unconscious patterns.
Don’t spend too much time thinking about how to figure out how to do something, instead play and watch the answers reveal themselves. As an artist when I’m trying to figure out how to draw a bird vs when I allow myself to draw and see what comes out I always find more ease and clarity when I play. Play keeps you tapped into the inner wisdom that can be blocked when you overthink.
There is a solution to every problem. While it Italy my phone broke and when I was at the store trying to buy a new one, I was hit with a few problems, like my phone trying to text me to see if I was really spending this money, but having no phone to reply and speaking very limited Italian, I started to cry in a panic. The lady helping me who spoke limited English, said, “There’s a solution to every problem,” and then google translated that they were going to put my sim card into another phone so I could hit yes to the text. The power in her words, that she knew this phrase, in her limited access to English words stuck with me. There is always a solution to every problem.
How you connect with yourself will be a direct relation to how you connect with others. If you haven’t met the depths of yourself you won’t understand the depths of others. If you don’t know your shadow you run the risk of lashing it out on those you love. If you don’t feel comfortable in your own being, you won’t show up fully present and people will feel that.
Trauma doesn’t have to stay stored in your body, but also requires your intention and efforts to transmute it. As a talk therapist I often encourage my clients that it’s beyond just talking about it, talking is helpful to start to process and to change your thought patterns to heal, but also there is a lot of movement that needs to happen. For me it’s been dance and creativity. Painting, drawing, dancing and allowing myself to express feelings in ways that are beyond what words can do has taken me to another level of healing.
A body in motion stays in motion is more than a catch phrase, its truth. Movement is medicine.
Show up, even when inspiration isn’t there, because inspiration only meets those who show up.
Creativity is a muscle that grows as you use it. People say things like, “I’m not creative,” which is a strange concept to me as the very essence of being is creativity. If you look at nature and every beautiful flower, and color shown, how can we not see that we are part of that creation, and that means inherently we hold that kind of creativity. It starts with just letting yourself play with no expectations in some creative way for you to really start to understand what creativity you are capable of.
Life is full of delight waiting for us to notice it. A butterfly flying by can be delightful. A flower growing on your path can be delightful. A rainbow in the sky after a storm can bring delight! Attention is the first step to delight.
Acceptance brings peace. Acceptance doesn’t mean you stay in a position or you allow bad things to happen to you but it means you accept where you are in this moment and that is how you can gain control of things. When Steve was diagnosed with ALS he didn’t choose to accept the life expectancy they were handing him or the limitations they wanted to say came with the illness but he had to accept the illness itself, because living in denial would have meant he never took his power to determine how the illness was going to look for him.
Your life only has to make sense to you. Many choices I have made including marrying a man who was just diagnosed with ALS has been questioned by someone in my life. Imagine I allowed those who didn’t understand to change my mind, how much I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Travel has a bigger return on investment than any stock you could invest into. Nothing has opened my mind or heart more than travel. Exposure to new cultures, experiences, and the opportunity to meet the challenges travel brings is some of the most life expanding gifts I’ve ever been given. So much growth happens in those uncomfortable yet beautiful moments.
How you spend your time creates your life. If you spend it comparing yourself to others constantly feeling lack then you live in that, but if you spend it discovering yourself, being curious about your capabilities, and following the things you’re passionate about you are bound to live an exciting and fulfilling life.
Discernment is crucial and the truth lies within. If you tune in you will be able to hear your inner guidance who is trying to help you navigate a world that is over-saturated with people trying to influence you. Discern who has access to you, as well as who you give your attention and energy to.
Words matter, if you say, “I’ll worry about that later,” vs, “I’ll process that later” you are determining what part of you shows up, anxiety or confidence.
There are signs everywhere if you pay attention.The world is a magical place that likes to send you little winks to let you know you’re on your right path. It also sends you very clear signs when you’re not. The art of paying attention will change everything for you.
Understanding your gut feelings and what your body is trying to communicate to you should be one of your biggest studies in life. Energy doesn’t lie so if something or someone feels off, listen to it. Learn to differentiate between anxiety and intuition by paying attention to the feelings and what life shows you. Paying attention is your teacher.
In a distracted world your focus is your biggest asset. What you give your energy to is what you’re putting your devotion to. When you think about it like that you will be more mindful of where your focus is being pulled and where you are intentionally putting it.
Rejection is redirection, as heartbreaking as it can feel in the moment with some space you will receive the clarity as to why the thing didn’t work out. Understand that a job or a relationship not working can sometimes be the biggest gift you’ve ever been given. Learning to have a little faith in the universe will lessen the heart breaks that rejection can bring.
Instead of shaming our cycles and spirals, learn from them because each time you experience something there is a deeper meaning and understanding that can come. Shame keeps you stuck, be curious as to why you’re there again and watch the cycles come to an end.
Hopefulness can get a bad name when it’s misused. There’s false hope and true hope, and learning the difference between the two is important. True hopefulness is trusting in your abilities to manage the challenges life can bring, false hope is that life will never bring you a challenge again once you get to a certain stage.
It’s okay, and in fact healthy, to change your mind. Some things it makes sense to stand firm in and with others when you’re presented with new information it’s a sign of intelligence to be open to changing your mind.
Learning to stay in your own energy no matter who you are around is one of the biggest ways you can live a happy life. The more open hearted you become the more you can feel the feelings and energies of those around you, which can be a beautiful thing because you can sense a lot of truths that people are afraid to share. Learning to manage what is yours vs others; being the thermostat and not thermometer will help you stay in your own energy. You set your temperature instead of being influenced by others. If you don’t think energy is contagious try sitting in a room with someone having a panic attack and not feeling some of that energy. Learning to be at peace in this kind of presence not only keeps you in your power but it allows you to be of service to influence the energy back to peace.
Avoiding pain/sadness/anxiety does not increase your happiness, feeling all your feelings even the hard ones is what increases happiness. You cannot know delight if you haven’t allowed your sorrow.
When we are living in alignment our creative power can manifest our wildest dreams, but it’s most important to know that what you are trying to create is in alignment with a value or purpose that is bringing good into the world and not just into yourself.
Garbage in, garbage out. My mom used to say this to me as a child about why she wouldn’t let us watch certain things, but now as an adult I have a widened perspective of it. It’s not simply about what you watch, read or hear, which yes matters, but it’s also about food. Food is medicine if chosen properly or it’s poison if not.
Being congruent matters more than what you can say you can do. How aligned you are living can be felt from those in your life. If you’re a human who is paying attention you feel if someone is saying to do something that they themselves aren’t doing. As a therapist if I tell my clients to do something that I haven’t or don’t do myself there’s a large chance they are going to pick up on that, and not take my words seriously. We can feel when someone is embodied in what they are saying. Living congruent also helps you trust yourself, because you know you mean what you say.
Applied knowledge is power. A lot of us are on a constant pursuit of knowledge because we have been told knowledge is power, but if you see how many people know what to do vs do what they know what they should do, then you can see that it’s the application of the knowledge that really gives you your power.
Trust your heart even if your mind hasn’t caught up yet. Sometimes you will feel pulled to something that your thinking mind tries to talk you out of, but if you can learn to trust your heart and understand that your mind will catch up that’s where the magic happens.
Solo adventuring is one of the most empowering activities you can do. I started this when I moved to the mountains and didn’t have anyone to hike with me, I had a choice: I could stay at home or I could equip myself with ways to feel safe to go alone. This then expanded to solo travel out of the country which has led me to truly feeling confident in myself, my abilities to read a room, and to navigate whatever challenges I’m met with. It’s led me to feel so joyful in my own company which then means I’m no longer spending time with someone because of a lack but because I truly want to be in their presence.
You are allowed to feel joy in a world that holds so much sorrow. Denying yourself the joy life brings doesn’t help you put an end to suffering. That joy is how you can fuel yourself to be of service to others. Denying joy doesn’t create balance and harmony in an unjust world, it just keeps you out of your light. If you want to spread the light, allow yourself to soak in the light the world brings you as that’s how you can then go spread your light into the world!
No Longer Longing
I'm in the middle of Venice, being a stoop kid on some steps of an old church. As I'm writing this as Im watching a group of young, lively Italians at the bar. The pigeons and seagulls are assessing us to see if anyone has food for them. A weathered pale pink brick building and a chipping-away beige building stand across the canal from me. People picked these steps seeming to seek refuge from the sun and perhaps to take it all in like me. I hear no signs of English and that delights me. I see a couple making out in the corner where the sun meets the shade. No one pays them any mind. People walk by with fans frantically waving to attempt to break the heat. The sun is starting to hit my legs but I don't dare move as this spot is alive with the energy of Italy. People meeting in the piazza freely expressing their delight in life.
Hard to believe I would be flying home today had I not extended my stay. I remind myself as I wrote this sentence, ‘You'll make the money back. You have one more week in Italy what a gift to yourself.’ A couple beside me leaves, a welcomed interruption from the anxious thoughts I work daily to contain. This couple lay silently on the steps, sharing a snack and playing gently with each other's hands. Clearly in love. The pigeons gather to eat their crumbs to clear away any remnants of them on the stoop.
Traveling alone once left me with a longing for someone to travel with me. Someone to lay silently on a step and caress my hand. This trip, however, I am perfectly content in my presence. I am in love with my existence. I don't long for anything other than being present at this very moment. I believe this is the place the universe has been pushing towards. Many failed attempts at what could be love, many sweet connections without the depth that love with me holds, and many times I wished for someone to work out for me & that disappointment to lead to understanding. I needed to be alone to reach this peace of okayness in being alone.
Okay doesn't suffice, really. I'm vibrating with joy in my existence. I trust my ability to support myself, I trust my skills to bring hope to the world. The work I've done to elevate an already high existence is showing. I know that if a new love story does come along, we will be two complete souls in our passions and energy, combining not for codependency but co-creation. I'm no longer longing. Instead, I'm living in full awareness of the blessing of being in every moment. Of course, this one in particular is pretty spectacular.
A new group of vivacious twentysomes come and sit next to me cups full just as I thought I was done with this spot. One of the girls excitedly jumps to the front of the steps to photograph them. Their Italian flows as freely as their cocktails. No one is aware of how much their existence delights me, about how I'm smiling as I jot to myself the magnificence of being present in this moment in their lives. I will return to my hotel soon to get ready for a concert, and the thought of watching strings in an old church play classical music in the heart of Venice makes my heart beam with gratitude. What else could I possibly long for?
To see more Musings inspired by my time in Italy check out the YouTube Video Florence inspired or the YouTube Video Manarola inspired .
Thank you for following along and I’ll excited share what gets inspired next.
An Exciting Announcement to Share
Here for my once-a-year blog check-in to share some wonderful news. I have started my therapy practice! I truly feel this journey was divinely planned as it wasn’t in my original plans until all the changes became real about selling our house. If you’ve dreamed of owning some sacred land (23 acres) you can buy it, or of course, it would be helpful for you to pass along to any friends who may be interested.
Once my house co-owner and I set a timeline, I realized that I was still going to need more supervised hours to complete my associate to a fully licensed counselor journey. After some brainstorming with my supervisor, it became obvious that creating my practice was the best choice.
I have many goals of where and how I want to grow this practice and I feel blessed to be given this vision to carry out. It’s been a huge follow-the-calling moment of growth for me. One where my heart understood that I was being called to something before my mind could wrap around it.
I had to allow myself to see how much I’ve grown in my abilities to hold space for others, and to recognize that my life has been preparing me for this since day 1. My experiences from childhood on have given me the chance to grow and expand into a person who can hold space for the most challenging emotions and stress.
Being trauma-informed, intuitive, and using my journey makes me feel equipped to help others have a chance at a brighter and lighter life. Everyone deserves a chance to heal.
My goal is to empower my clients to face anything that is standing in their way to wholeness, to guide them to a place of ease in their bodies, and for them to accept and love themselves in the process. My license is currently only available for me to see clients in the state of Georgia, so if you know someone who may benefit from my support please pass along my information.
As the practice grows and evolves I will update with excitement as I feel quite delighted about the ideas that are building in my mind and heart.