Blog
Rid the negative self talk
Often, I've tried to stop myself from gossiping, or judging others. I would find myself thinking negatively about someone and catch myself, or I would be with a group of friends, and catch myself gossiping about someone that wronged me, or simply annoyed me. Realizing I didn't want to be putting that energy out there, I've made an effort to rid the judgment gossip talk.
However, never did it dawn on me to stop that sort of talk about myself. I just kept right on in, with the, "You're so spacey." "No wonder you messed that up, you hot mess." "Don't mind me just loosing my mind today." "Oh you look like a mess!" "Ugh, I suck" (this one happened at least 100 times a day when I would forget something). I could keep going but you get the point.
It's not enough to just stop the negative talk about others, you have to stop it with yourself. How we talk to ourselves influences our lives more than we realize.
I started to pay attention to how I was speaking to myself and how my days would go.
On days where I started the day saying, "I'm so spacey today, I can't focus on anything and I doubt I'll get anything done, I'm just an idiot." I would have spacey days where I really couldn't focus on anything. I would get frustrated at everyone mostly myself, and the negative self talk just brought me lower and lower.
Then on days when I would start the day saying, "I'm amazing and capable of conquering whatever life throws at me today. I'm strong, focused, and powerful." I would get so much done, with ease and focus. I would enjoy the moments I was in and really felt capable and strong.
Why do we work on how we talk to others, but not on self talk? I'm pleading with you, if you haven't started to try to talk nicer to yourself, do so now! Watch how a little self love can completely change our lives. The positive affirmations you say to yourself can change based on your needs that morning, be creative with it; but try it!
Some great affirmations to try:
I'm so intelligent, I'll change the world with my mind!
I am strong and capable, and will do great at everything I set out to do today.
I am focused and can accomplish everything I want with ease.
I am beautiful damnit!
I am love, and will show love to everyone I come in contact with today; especially myself.
I am talented, and today I will use my talents to add light to the world!
I am passionate and with my passions I could cure illnesses using my voice.
I am awesome. :)
BECAUSE YOU ARE.
I love you all. xo
However, never did it dawn on me to stop that sort of talk about myself. I just kept right on in, with the, "You're so spacey." "No wonder you messed that up, you hot mess." "Don't mind me just loosing my mind today." "Oh you look like a mess!" "Ugh, I suck" (this one happened at least 100 times a day when I would forget something). I could keep going but you get the point.
It's not enough to just stop the negative talk about others, you have to stop it with yourself. How we talk to ourselves influences our lives more than we realize.
I started to pay attention to how I was speaking to myself and how my days would go.
On days where I started the day saying, "I'm so spacey today, I can't focus on anything and I doubt I'll get anything done, I'm just an idiot." I would have spacey days where I really couldn't focus on anything. I would get frustrated at everyone mostly myself, and the negative self talk just brought me lower and lower.
Then on days when I would start the day saying, "I'm amazing and capable of conquering whatever life throws at me today. I'm strong, focused, and powerful." I would get so much done, with ease and focus. I would enjoy the moments I was in and really felt capable and strong.
Why do we work on how we talk to others, but not on self talk? I'm pleading with you, if you haven't started to try to talk nicer to yourself, do so now! Watch how a little self love can completely change our lives. The positive affirmations you say to yourself can change based on your needs that morning, be creative with it; but try it!
Some great affirmations to try:
I'm so intelligent, I'll change the world with my mind!
I am strong and capable, and will do great at everything I set out to do today.
I am focused and can accomplish everything I want with ease.
I am beautiful damnit!
I am love, and will show love to everyone I come in contact with today; especially myself.
I am talented, and today I will use my talents to add light to the world!
I am passionate and with my passions I could cure illnesses using my voice.
I am awesome. :)
BECAUSE YOU ARE.
I love you all. xo
Learning to stay in the moment...it's life changing.
The more into my yoga/Ayurveda practice I go, the more self aware I become; which helps me notice ways in which I, myself, am bringing negative energy, to myself.
When I am too focused on my to do list, as it's usually enough to fill an entire week for one day, I find myself on edge. Constantly feeling pressure like there's not enough time in the day. Feeling like I can't keep up. I will experience anxiety, I will snap on you if you interrupt me (sorry Steve), and all in all I am not really that productive. Most of my energy is spent worrying about the next 5 things I need to do that I'm not able to do the thing I'm working on very well.
The other 70% of my life when I'm truly in the moment, I'm patient, focused, in the flow, happy, fun, loving, compassionate, all good adjectives, etc... Ever notice when you are truly living and feeling the present moment how all of a sudden you are overwhelmed with gratitude and peace. It's a wonderful feeling.
Staying in the moment takes practice. I have to work on it everyday. It takes being aware of your mindset. Even yesterday, trying to get my listing done, I found myself sighing and huffing when I would be interrupted by Steve. Mostly everyone that follows us often looks at me as an angel, which is encouraging. :) However, the truth is I'm human like everyone else, and I have to catch myself.
Meditation has taught me a trick to come back to the moment. If I start to notice the extra jittery Hope kicking in, I stop what I'm doing, and take just 5 minutes to sit in silence. When it's nice outside I especially like to do it outside. Sometimes I'll do it with Steve, if I'm getting impatient with him, so he can see me take the effort to come back to the moment.
I love taking care of Steve, he IS my number 1 priority, and I love it even more when I'm really there in that moment enjoying his presence and laughing with him while we are doing one of the hundreds of things we do in a day for his care. He deserves me, being me, there with him. Not the me, with my mind on the 100 things I may or may not get to that day.
How often are you living in the list mode vs the present? Are you aware of it? If you find yourself feeling that weight of your to do list, take a break, and allow yourself to focus on THIS VERY moment, because the reality is that's all there is. It's all that matters. Is this moment.
When I am too focused on my to do list, as it's usually enough to fill an entire week for one day, I find myself on edge. Constantly feeling pressure like there's not enough time in the day. Feeling like I can't keep up. I will experience anxiety, I will snap on you if you interrupt me (sorry Steve), and all in all I am not really that productive. Most of my energy is spent worrying about the next 5 things I need to do that I'm not able to do the thing I'm working on very well.
The other 70% of my life when I'm truly in the moment, I'm patient, focused, in the flow, happy, fun, loving, compassionate, all good adjectives, etc... Ever notice when you are truly living and feeling the present moment how all of a sudden you are overwhelmed with gratitude and peace. It's a wonderful feeling.
Staying in the moment takes practice. I have to work on it everyday. It takes being aware of your mindset. Even yesterday, trying to get my listing done, I found myself sighing and huffing when I would be interrupted by Steve. Mostly everyone that follows us often looks at me as an angel, which is encouraging. :) However, the truth is I'm human like everyone else, and I have to catch myself.
Meditation has taught me a trick to come back to the moment. If I start to notice the extra jittery Hope kicking in, I stop what I'm doing, and take just 5 minutes to sit in silence. When it's nice outside I especially like to do it outside. Sometimes I'll do it with Steve, if I'm getting impatient with him, so he can see me take the effort to come back to the moment.
I love taking care of Steve, he IS my number 1 priority, and I love it even more when I'm really there in that moment enjoying his presence and laughing with him while we are doing one of the hundreds of things we do in a day for his care. He deserves me, being me, there with him. Not the me, with my mind on the 100 things I may or may not get to that day.
How often are you living in the list mode vs the present? Are you aware of it? If you find yourself feeling that weight of your to do list, take a break, and allow yourself to focus on THIS VERY moment, because the reality is that's all there is. It's all that matters. Is this moment.
Creating.
This afternoon i'll be doing a new listing for Hopie Hippie, as I took the first part of the year off to get Steve & I healthy.
It feels good to be creating more regularly again and to see people get joy, peace, love, etc from my creations.
As a creator I see first hand the comparisons that happen. The, "Oh this person makes these too, you should check her out, see how you can improve yours..." These comparisons seem innocent, until you say it to someone who already feels inadequate because they don't feel like they can compete in this vast creative world.
I'm here to tell you no matter how much your creations look or don't look like someone else, you keep making from the heart. As long as it comes from a place of love and something deep in yourself, you do you.
Your creations are a piece of you, they are special, and they are enough. You don't need to compare your work to anyone else. As long as you are putting in YOUR own thoughts and energy to the creation that's enough.
I hope one day instead of holding yourself to a standard based on how someone else does something, we ALL learn to hold ourselves to OUR VERY OWN standards.
My standard is this: Make something that makes me feel something. That invokes an emotional response and that I can feel the love I put into it. Then, put it out in the world, knowing someone out there will see it and feel connected to it, and buy it. It's not about the money; nor is it about, does my so and so creation look better than there so and so. It's, did my creation add some light to their lives? Did it make them happy? Do they feel the love? If so, then my creation has reached the right person.
Aside from taking care of Steve, creating new things that help add light, love, color, zest, happiness, and positive energy to the world, brings me belly fulls of happiness. That's what it's all about. :) *clap clap*
It feels good to be creating more regularly again and to see people get joy, peace, love, etc from my creations.
As a creator I see first hand the comparisons that happen. The, "Oh this person makes these too, you should check her out, see how you can improve yours..." These comparisons seem innocent, until you say it to someone who already feels inadequate because they don't feel like they can compete in this vast creative world.
I'm here to tell you no matter how much your creations look or don't look like someone else, you keep making from the heart. As long as it comes from a place of love and something deep in yourself, you do you.
Your creations are a piece of you, they are special, and they are enough. You don't need to compare your work to anyone else. As long as you are putting in YOUR own thoughts and energy to the creation that's enough.
I hope one day instead of holding yourself to a standard based on how someone else does something, we ALL learn to hold ourselves to OUR VERY OWN standards.
My standard is this: Make something that makes me feel something. That invokes an emotional response and that I can feel the love I put into it. Then, put it out in the world, knowing someone out there will see it and feel connected to it, and buy it. It's not about the money; nor is it about, does my so and so creation look better than there so and so. It's, did my creation add some light to their lives? Did it make them happy? Do they feel the love? If so, then my creation has reached the right person.
Aside from taking care of Steve, creating new things that help add light, love, color, zest, happiness, and positive energy to the world, brings me belly fulls of happiness. That's what it's all about. :) *clap clap*
mornings
I used to dread mornings. I would hit my snooze button as many times as I could to not get out of bed. I would then start my mornings rushed and dreadful, with very little positive going into my day. Usually swinging by Starbucks on my way to work, and cursing caffeine for not giving me the pick me up I needed.
Then as I became full time caregiver for Steve, I still didn't like mornings, and would sleep until 10, wake up feeling groggy with little energy, and with the same sense of, "ugh how am I going to get through my day."
I wrote previously about the lessons I've gained from my Ayurveda class, which is coming to an end. Thankfully my amazing teacher Anna Apotheca, is going to be letting me continue on in her classes to the next level, so I can continue to learn and allow it to expand my life.
My favorite part that I've implemented was to have a morning ritual. All of a sudden I'm a morning person, I love being awake by 7:30, and to have several hours to set the tone for my day. So I get up now; do yoga, meditate, then drink my lemon ginger water, golden milk, I spend sometime outside usually with my bare feet on the earth doing some "earthing", I journal, then blog (most recent addition), I eat breakfast, I wash up, and then study/read until Steve wakes up.
Because once Steve wakes up my day does revolve around him. Obviously we both work on our separate projects but if he needs me, I'm there in 15 seconds (we've timed it :)) So my mornings help me greet Steve with a smile, and help me address his needs, and accomplish the 100 things I set out to do each day with the best attitude possible.
If you find yourself dreading mornings, or find your days starting so negative it's hard to find any positive in your day, I highly suggest, taking some time for a morning routine.
Make it your own. Do what feels best for you: pray, stretch, spend time outside, WHATEVER you can do to help your day start in a positive.
Start as small as you want, even if you give yourself 15 minutes to just sit in silence and set intentions for the day to go smoothly, it will vastly change your life. I know it will, because it has mine.
wife vs caregiver
In yesterday's blog I talked about removing my ego from taking care of Steve, and today I want to touch on the balance of wife vs caregiver.
Someday's it's more important that I'm his caregiver and less important that I'm his wife; and the struggle to go back to wifie is sometimes a challenge.
Some of the intimacy that once happened as husband and wife, are no longer there. It hurts him to lay with him or hug him too hard, can't really "make out" when someone has lock jaw and can barely open his mouth, and life with a full time catheter makes the hanky a rare and sterile procedure.
While, the need to be caregiver increases; suctioning, moving, wound care, medications, picc line care, feedings, antibiotics, cutting fingernails, toenails, wiping nose, brushing teeth, wiping butt....
The balance then leans towards more caregiver less wife, naturally. The one thing that brings the 2 together is love. I'm his wife because I love him, just as I'm his caregiver because I love him. So love helps me readjust my perspective to find ways to still be equal parts wife and caregiver.
Kissing may be different, cuddles may be different, hugs, hanky, etc...but they can still exist. Showing the love of a wife can still happen even if it's vastly changed from 4.5 years ago. They are still there. Just in different forms, and that is a beautiful thing.
I'm thankful that Steve shows me love and appreciation as a wife and caregiver and that I'm able to find the balance in this wild world of ours. I'm thankful that although it's vastly different; that we still have our special times, and that nothing, not even ALS can take that away from us.
Someday's it's more important that I'm his caregiver and less important that I'm his wife; and the struggle to go back to wifie is sometimes a challenge.
Some of the intimacy that once happened as husband and wife, are no longer there. It hurts him to lay with him or hug him too hard, can't really "make out" when someone has lock jaw and can barely open his mouth, and life with a full time catheter makes the hanky a rare and sterile procedure.
While, the need to be caregiver increases; suctioning, moving, wound care, medications, picc line care, feedings, antibiotics, cutting fingernails, toenails, wiping nose, brushing teeth, wiping butt....
The balance then leans towards more caregiver less wife, naturally. The one thing that brings the 2 together is love. I'm his wife because I love him, just as I'm his caregiver because I love him. So love helps me readjust my perspective to find ways to still be equal parts wife and caregiver.
Kissing may be different, cuddles may be different, hugs, hanky, etc...but they can still exist. Showing the love of a wife can still happen even if it's vastly changed from 4.5 years ago. They are still there. Just in different forms, and that is a beautiful thing.
I'm thankful that Steve shows me love and appreciation as a wife and caregiver and that I'm able to find the balance in this wild world of ours. I'm thankful that although it's vastly different; that we still have our special times, and that nothing, not even ALS can take that away from us.
It's not about me.
Choosing to be a caregiver for someone will transform you in ways you never imagined.
One of those is understanding that this life, is really not about you.
I used to get frustrated at Steve when he wouldn't do something, I as a caregiver thought he should (ie: wash hair, bend knees, range of motion, etc). If you saw our documentary, you saw, I would equally get frustrated at Steve's desire to take medication for his undeniable pain.
I would get frustrated because I care so damn much about his well being that I want to do everything in my power to keep him as healthy as I possibly can. However, sometimes it's more than that. Sometimes I would get frustrated because other caregivers would make their comments to me, "Oh well my so and so doesn't take pain medicine." "My so and so doesn't stay in bed all day we always get them up." "My so and so can bend their knees..."
You get the point. I would allow the other people's comments on how they care for their person, make me feel like I wasn't doing a good enough job. I would get upset at myself and of course then get frustrated at Steve when he wouldn't let me do something I felt pressured to do.
Then one day Steve said something to me that helped me let go of the frustrations and the worry of what everyone else thought. He had wrote me a long message thanking me for taking care of him, and a sentence stuck with me forever, "Thanks for allowing me to live the life I choose to live with this awful disease and for standing by me every step of the way."
Even my stubborn ego can't deny that it's a beautiful thing to be able to do something for someone else; and even more beautiful to see a man who has lost control of the ability to do most things, still choose the life he wants to live.
See it's not about me, or what I think he should be doing. It's most certainly not about what others on the outside think we should be doing. It's about Steve. Always.
The reasons we can get along so well, and have so much joy in our lives; is the respect, love, and undestanding we have for one another. Steve will do certain things like let me wash his hair, do wound care, etc; because he wants to live and he knows as much as he doesn't want to, he must. The others, it's his choice. Because deep down how beautiful is it, that he still has that. His own choices.
ALS will never take that away, and I'm thankful for that.
One of those is understanding that this life, is really not about you.
I used to get frustrated at Steve when he wouldn't do something, I as a caregiver thought he should (ie: wash hair, bend knees, range of motion, etc). If you saw our documentary, you saw, I would equally get frustrated at Steve's desire to take medication for his undeniable pain.
I would get frustrated because I care so damn much about his well being that I want to do everything in my power to keep him as healthy as I possibly can. However, sometimes it's more than that. Sometimes I would get frustrated because other caregivers would make their comments to me, "Oh well my so and so doesn't take pain medicine." "My so and so doesn't stay in bed all day we always get them up." "My so and so can bend their knees..."
You get the point. I would allow the other people's comments on how they care for their person, make me feel like I wasn't doing a good enough job. I would get upset at myself and of course then get frustrated at Steve when he wouldn't let me do something I felt pressured to do.
Then one day Steve said something to me that helped me let go of the frustrations and the worry of what everyone else thought. He had wrote me a long message thanking me for taking care of him, and a sentence stuck with me forever, "Thanks for allowing me to live the life I choose to live with this awful disease and for standing by me every step of the way."
Even my stubborn ego can't deny that it's a beautiful thing to be able to do something for someone else; and even more beautiful to see a man who has lost control of the ability to do most things, still choose the life he wants to live.
See it's not about me, or what I think he should be doing. It's most certainly not about what others on the outside think we should be doing. It's about Steve. Always.
The reasons we can get along so well, and have so much joy in our lives; is the respect, love, and undestanding we have for one another. Steve will do certain things like let me wash his hair, do wound care, etc; because he wants to live and he knows as much as he doesn't want to, he must. The others, it's his choice. Because deep down how beautiful is it, that he still has that. His own choices.
ALS will never take that away, and I'm thankful for that.