Keep your head up.
Okay so most everyone knows what is going on with Steve & I, for those who maybe are still unaware you can refer 2 blogs down for full story.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde
I wanted to write today about something that is going to be the most important aspect for both Steve & I throughout this whole process. That is remaining positive. I feel it's a choice that no matter what life throws at me, that I remain positive & keep my hope & faith. This is NOT at all always easy, so now I'm going to write about it.
There are days, mornings, afternoons, evenings, etc that I am just so flustered with everything going on and I have to snap myself out of it. I have to realize that despite the situation, Steve & I are very blessed. I know I said this 100 times before, but I truly believe life is what you make it. If Steve & I get consumed with being upset about the situation we let ALS "have control." We need to remain in control of our lives & remember that every single day is a gift, be thankful for it, & ENJOY it. :) Being negative does not allow us to enjoy the day God has given us.
WITH THAT-I want to add a special request. There may be days where I have my own mess going on & may not have the extra "happy" in me to continue to give Steve the extra encouragment (or even myself for that matter). So please keep the hopeful messages, well wishes, love, prayers, & encouragement coming. They do help. Every call, text, or email helps raise our spirits. I don't know that I can express my gratitude enough. xox
Keep your head up :)
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde
I wanted to write today about something that is going to be the most important aspect for both Steve & I throughout this whole process. That is remaining positive. I feel it's a choice that no matter what life throws at me, that I remain positive & keep my hope & faith. This is NOT at all always easy, so now I'm going to write about it.
There are days, mornings, afternoons, evenings, etc that I am just so flustered with everything going on and I have to snap myself out of it. I have to realize that despite the situation, Steve & I are very blessed. I know I said this 100 times before, but I truly believe life is what you make it. If Steve & I get consumed with being upset about the situation we let ALS "have control." We need to remain in control of our lives & remember that every single day is a gift, be thankful for it, & ENJOY it. :) Being negative does not allow us to enjoy the day God has given us.
WITH THAT-I want to add a special request. There may be days where I have my own mess going on & may not have the extra "happy" in me to continue to give Steve the extra encouragment (or even myself for that matter). So please keep the hopeful messages, well wishes, love, prayers, & encouragement coming. They do help. Every call, text, or email helps raise our spirits. I don't know that I can express my gratitude enough. xox
Keep your head up :)
3439857 things at once!
So between making a lot of lifestyle changes, getting adjusted to a new shift at work (that now involves traffic), planning a wedding, & moving all my stuff into Steve's I have been super busy & hanging on the edge of not losing my mind ;). No really though- It's been hectic. However, I wanted to write a quick blog just expressing how blessed Steve & I are with GREAT, fantastic, amazing people in our lives (even strangers). Everyone has been amazing & it's because of all of you Steve & I are still holding our heads above water! I wanted to let everyone know that every single act of reaching out means so much to us. We may not always have time or the energy to adequately express our gratitude, which is why I wanted to do this real quick. I also wanted to thank everyone for all the donations & support with the ALS walk. It's not too late to sign up or participate if you are interested click here!
Steve is holding up well. He grows more & more positive daily. There have been lots of changes implemented into his daily life & his acceptance is also growing daily. It's never easy making an adjustment (for him or those around him), but each day it gets easier. Lots more changes to be implemented, so I ask for continue prayers for continued strength & patience for everyone involved! <3
On wedding side, we have gotten A LOT done with help from a lot of amazing, amazing people (you all know who you are). The latest exciting thing is that I will be on TLC-say yes to the dress. Due to some awesome people contacting the creators of say yes to the dress (some people I actually don't even know), they contacted me expressing how much they would love to share our story. Well, not that I needed much convincing, but of course I think it's a wonderful opportunity to continue to spread awareness of ALS, to the public. Plus it will be a lot of fun! Yesterday Steve surprised my mom & I and got her ticket to come visit (spilling the beans because this is not only sweet but super exciting for me!) So lots & lots of exciting stuff...
Once, I get all moved in & settled into Steve's, I will have more time to write again (hopefully) and I will try to blog more progress.
Thanks again to everyone for sticking with us & all the love & support! We couldn't do this without y'all!
Fears, Tears, Acceptance, Moving on, Love
I know I haven't blogged in a couple weeks, and this is one big blog on why...
Most of you already know this has been a whirlwind of a month.
I have been blessed enough to meet the man I knew I was going to marry, and the man I was always looking for this year. He's been my rock & saved me from a downward spiral I was headed in. We've been enjoying our life together & he's been showing me things I haven't been able to see before. Life was good. Life was great. We had nothing but sweet, good, love songs floating in our heads & were walking on clouds & sunshine!
My love, Steve, has been having some health issues. It started in his right hand about 8 months ago. He had weakness that has worsened to the point where he is unable to do much with his right hand or arm at all. This weakness then spread to his left arm, as well as affected his balance and ability to walk. We all kind of looked at it as something "simple" or "curable" and thought that it would be a simple and quick fix.
Monday August 1, Steve had yet another doctor appointment, this time a neurologist. The neurologist quickly diagnosed him with ALS Amytrophic lateral sclerosis, Lou Gehrigs disease This news was devastating for all the obvious reasons! However, I couldn't believe it...no one could. No way could the man God finally provided for me to marry, no way could he have ALS. He's only 28, and it doesn't make sense! So with this came hope, and lots & lots of research. I swear I spent at least 48 hours researching it, and could explain to you the disease inside & out. We were blessed to get Steve in with one of the top neurologists in Augusta, GA on August 10. I took off work & took the journey with him. Through out this whole experience I have tried to remain positive, hopeful, & continue to encourage Steve. I was really beginning to pat myself on the back and thought just wait till Dr. Rivner sees him, he is going to find something else & everything will be OK! After spending 5 1/2 hours with the doctor, watching my babe get all kinds of tests done & seeing the look on his face getting worse & worse, I still kept my hope. After the last test the doctor then took a long pause and proceeded to tell us that Steve does in fact have ALS. Again, as I sat there holding the love of my life in my hands hearing the doctor tell him harsh truths, I still didn't want to believe it. I begin to ask if there is anything else that it could be, what else can they do. However, he did not provide us much hope, and started preparing us for life with Lou Gehrigs!
Now when a doctor (who can't give you any hope) tells you that the one you love may only have 5 years to live, how do you respond? I was speechless, and instead of trying to at all worry about my reaction, I was focused on trying to keep Steve positive. I fought back tears multiple times while comforting him and kept thinking, "this can't be it, there has to be something else..." That 3 hour drive home was a long and difficult one. Neither of us really knowing what to say or how to react. Both breaking down and trying to maintain our composure. My heart was broken! I had such hope that it would be something else, and heard my worst nightmare come true.
I shortly after received an email from a complete stranger (I've told so many people, and they have told everyone, and so on & so on) that was a friend of a friend of my mom's. The email read that this particular man had been diagnosed with ALS when he was 29 (In November of '97) and that he was still alive & fighting after 14 years. Immediately after this email I started hearing other stories of people living longer & some even living up to 25 years! And little by little, hope is restored!
The remainder of that day was shock, sadness, & lots of preparations for all the lifestyle changes that will now be required. The next step is acceptance, and with acceptance comes peace. This step is always the hardest, and one I must say will be a battle for a few months, but am hopeful that it will occur more & more each day!
Steve is one of the strongest & most passionate people I know. He is so full of love & has an amazing spirit. I have never met anyone like him in my life & I love him more than I ever imagined. When we first found out it was a possibility of ALS, we discussed that we still want to live our life like we planned. After getting the true diagnoses we decided that since we both want to get married & have children, we are just going to fast forward & do this a little sooner. I knew an engagement was coming, but Steve still did an excellent job surprising me! Last night he mentioned he wants to go to our river each day to walk, to remain as active as possible & to enjoy "our spot" for as long as he can. This morning he woke up in good spirits,and began to tell me the car ride there how much he loved me & that he and his family were forever grateful for me being in his life. I smiled & shared the same feelings of gratefulness, but still had no idea he was leading up to a proposal. After walking up & down the river twice, he finally suggested we take a break on our typical break spot. As we were sitting there we both noticed the peacefulness of the river & enjoyed a moment of peace & calmness! He then proceeded to get on one knee & go on with the best most heartfelt proposal ever! Of course chocking back tears I said yes & our spirits were lifted!
Our plan is to get married in 2 months! Yes, October 15, 2011 is our date. Although on the outside looking in this may appear to be bitter sweet, I see it as nothing but sweet! We love each other & there is no reason this terrible disease should stop us from sharing the life we planned for as long as possible! I think our relationship will only be stronger because of this. We now have an understanding for what is truly important in life. Life is a gift, and every single day needs to special. I know there will always be ups & downs, but for everyday I get with my love I am grateful!
There will be lots of ways to help us in the future, as it will be a long journey & we both appreciate everyone for their constant reaching out, support, & LOVE :) For now we are signed up for the walk for ALS, which happens to be the weekend after our wedding. If you would like to join or donate click here!
Lots of love!
Most of you already know this has been a whirlwind of a month.
I have been blessed enough to meet the man I knew I was going to marry, and the man I was always looking for this year. He's been my rock & saved me from a downward spiral I was headed in. We've been enjoying our life together & he's been showing me things I haven't been able to see before. Life was good. Life was great. We had nothing but sweet, good, love songs floating in our heads & were walking on clouds & sunshine!
My love, Steve, has been having some health issues. It started in his right hand about 8 months ago. He had weakness that has worsened to the point where he is unable to do much with his right hand or arm at all. This weakness then spread to his left arm, as well as affected his balance and ability to walk. We all kind of looked at it as something "simple" or "curable" and thought that it would be a simple and quick fix.
Monday August 1, Steve had yet another doctor appointment, this time a neurologist. The neurologist quickly diagnosed him with ALS Amytrophic lateral sclerosis, Lou Gehrigs disease This news was devastating for all the obvious reasons! However, I couldn't believe it...no one could. No way could the man God finally provided for me to marry, no way could he have ALS. He's only 28, and it doesn't make sense! So with this came hope, and lots & lots of research. I swear I spent at least 48 hours researching it, and could explain to you the disease inside & out. We were blessed to get Steve in with one of the top neurologists in Augusta, GA on August 10. I took off work & took the journey with him. Through out this whole experience I have tried to remain positive, hopeful, & continue to encourage Steve. I was really beginning to pat myself on the back and thought just wait till Dr. Rivner sees him, he is going to find something else & everything will be OK! After spending 5 1/2 hours with the doctor, watching my babe get all kinds of tests done & seeing the look on his face getting worse & worse, I still kept my hope. After the last test the doctor then took a long pause and proceeded to tell us that Steve does in fact have ALS. Again, as I sat there holding the love of my life in my hands hearing the doctor tell him harsh truths, I still didn't want to believe it. I begin to ask if there is anything else that it could be, what else can they do. However, he did not provide us much hope, and started preparing us for life with Lou Gehrigs!
Now when a doctor (who can't give you any hope) tells you that the one you love may only have 5 years to live, how do you respond? I was speechless, and instead of trying to at all worry about my reaction, I was focused on trying to keep Steve positive. I fought back tears multiple times while comforting him and kept thinking, "this can't be it, there has to be something else..." That 3 hour drive home was a long and difficult one. Neither of us really knowing what to say or how to react. Both breaking down and trying to maintain our composure. My heart was broken! I had such hope that it would be something else, and heard my worst nightmare come true.
I shortly after received an email from a complete stranger (I've told so many people, and they have told everyone, and so on & so on) that was a friend of a friend of my mom's. The email read that this particular man had been diagnosed with ALS when he was 29 (In November of '97) and that he was still alive & fighting after 14 years. Immediately after this email I started hearing other stories of people living longer & some even living up to 25 years! And little by little, hope is restored!
The remainder of that day was shock, sadness, & lots of preparations for all the lifestyle changes that will now be required. The next step is acceptance, and with acceptance comes peace. This step is always the hardest, and one I must say will be a battle for a few months, but am hopeful that it will occur more & more each day!
Steve is one of the strongest & most passionate people I know. He is so full of love & has an amazing spirit. I have never met anyone like him in my life & I love him more than I ever imagined. When we first found out it was a possibility of ALS, we discussed that we still want to live our life like we planned. After getting the true diagnoses we decided that since we both want to get married & have children, we are just going to fast forward & do this a little sooner. I knew an engagement was coming, but Steve still did an excellent job surprising me! Last night he mentioned he wants to go to our river each day to walk, to remain as active as possible & to enjoy "our spot" for as long as he can. This morning he woke up in good spirits,and began to tell me the car ride there how much he loved me & that he and his family were forever grateful for me being in his life. I smiled & shared the same feelings of gratefulness, but still had no idea he was leading up to a proposal. After walking up & down the river twice, he finally suggested we take a break on our typical break spot. As we were sitting there we both noticed the peacefulness of the river & enjoyed a moment of peace & calmness! He then proceeded to get on one knee & go on with the best most heartfelt proposal ever! Of course chocking back tears I said yes & our spirits were lifted!
There will be lots of ways to help us in the future, as it will be a long journey & we both appreciate everyone for their constant reaching out, support, & LOVE :) For now we are signed up for the walk for ALS, which happens to be the weekend after our wedding. If you would like to join or donate click here!
Lots of love!
Never let anyone bring you down...
You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. ~Leo Aikman
What has happened to our society? Why is it despite all the absolutely crazy things going on, people still think it to be okay to bring other people down?
It doesn't matter what age you are, words still hurt, and people still use them negatively even as adults. Some people see the "trash talking" limited to when you are in high school, which is a huge problem, but it doesn't stop there. Bullying now has carried over into cyber-bullying as well as face to face bullying. Social networks were not set up for people to bring people down via statuses or posts. They are meant to help people keep connected with loved ones. However, people are now using things like facebook or twitter as a way to talk negatively about others.
I can't believe how much people have lost focus on what life is about. Life is about building & maintaining relationships, which includes building people up---not putting them down! Just because people aren't like you---maybe not as smart, as pretty, as wealthy, aren't into the same things you are--doesn't mean you have any right to judge them or put them down. Who are you to think you are any better? There are so many more productive things you can do other than trying to bring others down. If everyone would focus on that & trying to build people up the world would be a better place. There would be less hate crimes, less crime in general, & more importantly less suicide.
To those of you who continue to speak negatively about others, I encourage you to think before you talk. Think about how that person may feel if they knew what you were writing or saying, and how you would feel if it was reversed.
To those who have someone speaking negatively about them, as the campaign says it gets better. Do not focus on the negativity that these people bring you. Focus on all the positive good people you have in your life, and cut out the rest. Avoid them, delete them as friends on facebook, don't respond to their negative comments. Rise above it & be grateful for the positive you do have.
With the recent negativity that has surrounded me, it has reminded me how lucky & grateful I am to have the supportive people I have in my life. It also, helps inspire me to continue to grow, and leave the childishness behind. Hopefully the message can get out to everyone that has people trying to get them down, that it's important to rise against it, and not be defeated.
A calling...
"Do what you love & you'll never work a day."
Most people spend the majority of their lives preparing themselves for their "job." I like most did the same, and was in school until I was 23. However, I truly believe that with my job it's not something I prepared for, it's something I was called to do. Currently, for those of you who don't know I am working at a drug & alcohol medical detox. On a daily basis when I answer the phone and say, "Thanks for calling new vision this is Hope, how may I help you??" People start out (what is typically a very hard conversation for them) by saying, "What a great name for what you do!"
Now it's true, my name is perfect for my professional life, and I try daily to have it be for my personal life also. I bring people hope, when they come see me. Most people I come in contact with my job (as well as my past jobs since graduating) are at their lowest point. A lot of them are hopeless....my goal restore the hope!
I recently was considering a change of careers, not just a job change but completely stop doing any sort of counseling related job. I revamped my resume, applied to hundreds of places & didn't hear anything. I kept believing it was because it's hard to break into a new industry especially when the economy isn't fully repaired (some places not even close). Then I thought about it, I am good at what I do. I know and understand what I do very well. I have personal experiences that help cultivate the professional work I do. That's not something that should be just thrown away! Maybe I'm not meant to get out of my field. I believe that with hard work & perseverance if something is meant to be God will guide me in the right direction for it to be. So here I am, reevaluating my life goal AGAIN (which I won't get on a tangent on this because it's a whole blog in itself) and realized I need to stick with my calling.
Hope is not a dream, but a way of making a dream reality!
Wouldn't change a thing...
I recently took a trip home to visit my family & on the plane ride I read an article out of Elle about a now famous actress (can't remember her name, nor re-find the article), who said she was grateful for her lessons she learned by growing up poor. This hit so home for me, because (my mom hates the word poor), but let's face it we grew up in survival mode. While reading the article so many points she said hit home, that I wanted to write something myself about it.
It might sound odd to some people who know all the details that I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood. From things that occurred for it be just my Mom raising us, to how we grew up. I wouldn't change a thing. Growing up in what some would consider a "struggle" gave me some of my core values I have today. I think the 3 most important ones, that I see helping me in my daily life are:
#1 Working hard for what you want. I started "working" at around age 11, helping my Mom's company put stickers on their fliers. I will never forget how excited I used to get about the few dollars I would earn from that job. My mother is one heck of a strong woman who did the very best she could, but because it was tough times, I was never just given anything (materialistic that is), I had to earn it or wait for a holiday.
It might sound odd to some people who know all the details that I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood. From things that occurred for it be just my Mom raising us, to how we grew up. I wouldn't change a thing. Growing up in what some would consider a "struggle" gave me some of my core values I have today. I think the 3 most important ones, that I see helping me in my daily life are:
#1 Working hard for what you want. I started "working" at around age 11, helping my Mom's company put stickers on their fliers. I will never forget how excited I used to get about the few dollars I would earn from that job. My mother is one heck of a strong woman who did the very best she could, but because it was tough times, I was never just given anything (materialistic that is), I had to earn it or wait for a holiday.
# 2. Appreciation for what you have. The whole saying, "when I started counting my blessings my whole life turned around," can apply to this. I may not always have what I want, but it was always stressed to me growing up, that it is important to be grateful the things you do have! One very important example I have of this, is water we can use. I recently posted this picture in my album from my visit home.
From 4th grade to 9th grade we lived in a home that had Iron water (also no neighbors for a mile & no stop lights) that was unusable. Because water purifying systems at that time were super ridiculously expensive (I imagine the one needed in that house still probably is) we couldn't afford any method to fix the water. So we traveled to Lynn Run weekly to fill up 2 gallon milk jugs of water to drink with, cook with, & even boil to bathe with. We also had to go to the Laundromat weekly to do our laundry. Visiting Lynn Run the other day truly reminded me that it is important to be grateful every day for what I have!
#3. Knowing that everything is NOT always going to go my way. Now I know this is something everyone learns at some point or another, but I feel blessed that I had to learn it so early on. I learned quickly that I am not always going to be able to do things with my friends, people would sometimes let me down, sometimes I wouldn't be able to wear the new & latest style, sometimes I would have to eat ramon noodles instead of sushi, and if something "unexpected" happens (always does) it's not the end of the world.
So there you have it, some may wish that I had it "easier" growing up, but I everyday think I wouldn't change a thing, and am so grateful for the very important life lessons growing up this way has taught me. :)