In Transition

Hey y’all. I am coming to you in the middle of pure chaos. I wanted to write everyone an update as well as share a few ways you can support me in this massive transition I am in the middle of.

I started August spending the first week at a river house Steve chose for me in 2016. A month after Steve passed I started reading old journals to trigger my memory for writing. I reached a journal from 2016, it was after one of our many hospital stays where doctors were telling us what was going on with Steve would not end well. I found the list that was titled, “Steve’s list, what Hope should do when Steve dies.”

I actually wrote an entire chapter of my book about this list, but number one was to spend a week at the river to heal, refocus, write, and have some space to dream about what the possibilities are for my future.

The week at the river was an amazing experience, I took our dog Marlowe, and it was our first adventure together. Everyday while I was at this river in the mountains I spoke clear intentions on wanting to find any way to find myself living in the mountains. I was inspired, focused, and energized by this spot in the Blue Ridge mountains. It was located on the Toccoa River, which was full of beavers, geese, and herons, and the most gorgeous misty foggy mornings and evenings.

The very day we returned home, my father in law reached out to me that our initial plans we had made for me to start taking over the payments of this house wasn’t going to work. We discussed the options and together we agreed it was in both of our best interests to sell this house.

The past two weeks have been full of processing what this means, trying to understand how to make the very poor financial standing I’m in work for future living, sorting through all of my belongings to try to sell and generate money, try to start packing, and figure out where I will land next.

I’m writing to you in the middle of the unknown, as I have had to reach out to my community to support me through this. Not just financially, although that’s a huge need, but emotionally. I am humbly asking for any prayers or visualizations that you feel called for seeing me secure and stable in a home. I also wanted to share what I have set up to generate streams of income currently if you are in a position to support me.

I finally started a Patreon and have two tiers set up. I will be adding more, and I am open to all suggestions. If there’s something you’ve ever thought about paying me a monthly fee for, please pass it along. :)

I also did a new art listing on July 1st with some available still and more to come soon.

I am happily (hopefully) selling half of my closet as well to downsize and raise funds.

I also want to share a podcast I recorded about a month and a half after Steve passed. It was interesting to listen to me speak before I knew how much change I truly was headed towards. I never imagined that just 4 months after Steve passed I would be here figuring this all out. I feel him guiding me each step. As I continue to exhaust myself each day with the many things, I will hear him give me ideas to make money, or I’ll see him in a property I’m looking at.

I want to be honest in that I have no idea where I am going, I am just taking one step forward everyday and trusting that the path will reveal itself more clearly as I continue to move. I want to shout from the rooftops how lovely and supportive my friends have been. They are all stepping in to help me in a variety of ways and I wish everyone to have the same caring, supportive friends I have been blessed with.

I have a few blogs written that I will be sharing, unrelated to updating on my life, as I’m hoping I can build this into a stream of income also, but it felt important to let you all know where I am first.

I am feeling terrified, hopeful, sad, excited, thankful, overwhelmed, everything. I am allowing the feelings to come, and giving them the attention they are asking of me, while keeping my eye on a dream Steve gave me. It was the night after we decided to sell the house, in my dream Steve was having a conversation with his parents when he stopped and walked over to me. He grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eye. I felt like he was with me in real life. He said, “Hope you deserve better than this house. You can do it. You can. Do it.”

I woke up after that dream and had my focus I needed, as well as an inner knowing, that I can find my way to a more suitable living situation. I’m grateful he’s still encouraging me from the beyond. Him choosing me to spend that week at the river to regroup, to be given the news of needing to move just 24 hours after being home, I’d say Steve knows what he is doing!!

I still miss physically being able to have conversations with him, because he always knew how to ease my fears and encourage me. I do know without a doubt, however, that he is still here. I feel him, I see signs from him, he interferes with the TV, he speaks to me in my dreams. Thank you Boopy, for helping me through this transition and thank YOU ALL for the support as well.