All the emotions of wild times.
I’ve had varied emotions all of 2020. I started the year feeling inspired to make great change, then accomplished for fulfilling some important goals I set. Then it was upset and feeling terrified as Steve experienced set backs that felt heavy and impossible to overcome. Followed by feeling full because of some family visits, to feeling hopeful seeing some healing in Steve.
Then came March and with it came shear panic and life altering realities. Shifting of some safety plans and leaning more into self reliance. This past week has been extra as this virus reality unfolds in the US. Feelings of frustration, desperation, anxiety, preparedness, hopefulness, to full acceptance of reality.
Pushing through some of the scary lung realities we’ve been experiencing the past few months with minimal help. Feeling even more thankfulness than I thought I could hold for the Earth. Thankfulness to be living in the southeast where spring comes early. It’s been often times overwhelming in the scariest and most appreciative ways. Mostly trying to stay grounded and sort through piles of false information to find facts. Handling things with Steve through shaky hands and tears and soaking up every magical drop of the space between. Fear and gratitude existing side by side, bumping into one another in a hyper aware social distanced reality.
Feeling protective, obsessive, going full in on any and every precuation; with equal acceptance of whatever is to come. Showing up, sitting down, pacing anxiously, scrolling screens, shielding brain cells.
This big thing coming I’ve felt all year slowly revealing itself. Giving time and space new meaning. Giving another day deeper value. Giving your loved ones more appreciation. Wanting to freeze time to create a bubble and break barriers to shine light and hope.
A constant checking in, tuning in, zooming out, pausing, and pressing play. Having to refrain from pressing fast forward. Soaking in the sweet, not ignoring the bitter, and attempting to digest all that’s being fed.
In these wild times of feeling every emotion that comes with it, I’m trying to hang tight to what blessings exist along with the crazy. What blessings are in your life right now?
