When life brings you truth, it brings you clarity.

Well here I sit processing waking up to the news I truthfully never thought would happen.  Yes this is an election post, but don't close this tab, hear me out.  

A large truth has been revealed to us today.  It's one that will take a while for all of us (yes even those who voted for him) to absorb.  However, I don't feel hopeless.  In fact, I feel fired up.  You see, to me I believe that once a truth is revealed, it shows us where we need to do the work.

I'm sorry if you feel scared today, or if you feel sad; I want you to know that I love you and I support you no matter what you believe in.  I truly have your back.  If you feel happy today, have your moment. To those happy, please, I hope that you can show love and support to those around you, no matter how differently they are than you.  

The only way we are going to become united again, is to come from a place of love.  We aren't all there right now.  So take your time to sit with this; and when you're ready will you please join me?  Join me, in taking this time to ground down, make sure we are doing our work personally to assure we are ready, and be prepared to shine a light in some dark times.  Our voices matter now more than ever. 

I'm going to allow this to be an awakening for me.  It's lit me up.  I know I have so much work to do, and while yesterday I was weary; today I am fueled up.  This was what I needed to jump back up and feel ready to REALLY BE the change.  There is no way one man is going to stand in my way of my life's purpose, and there's certainly no way I will stand by and allow him to destroy our beautiful planet and every unique individual that lives here. Allow me to empower you, to remember you HAVE power.  So much power, and if we all can come together for the good; we'll be okay.  

We don't need a presidential candidate to get our work done.  We just need us.  We now know what we are facing.  We have the chance to stare that truth directly in the face and decide, I still choose love.  We get to choose today what kind of people we want to be, and that's a beautiful thing.  

I was having a moment, but here's how I worked through it.

Yesterday I was having a moment.

A moment where my brain was literally having a hard time processing the amount of darkness so early, I'll adapt it's an amazing gift we've all been given; but the first days of fall backwards are disorienting.

A moment where I realized suddenly the trees have shed enough that I remember I have neighbors.  Before it was funny reminders like hearing my neighbor behind me on the phone say things like, "I always hear my little jungle girl neighbor talking to someone. I thought it was a husband, but when I peaked on her it was the birds, squirrels,and her dogs; like she's snow white.” Because in the deep of spring, you can't see a single neighbor in the backyard. I prefer the funny reminders of neighbors perceptions of me than actually seeing them.

A moment, where I wanted to sit down with all of the world and try my best not to sound self righteous but give everyone a “talking to.”

But here's what turns me around from these moments.  Because yes they are my truths, but I don't have to stay there forever, and I don't want to.

Before I get the messages, “But Hope you have to sit with those moments…”

Trust me honey I sit in them,I take as long as I need to sit in my truth. Trust me I feel these moments, but I sure as hell am not staying past the lesson point.

Here's my top 5 ways to come out of my moments:

1. Remember I have my health, my voice, my ability to walk, talk, eat, breathe, swallow, dance, paint, scratch an itch, wipe my nose, pee by myself, I really could go on for a while this is just getting started.  Seriously, nothing snaps you out of a moment quicker than watching your amazing soul mate have his moments include panic attacks because his lungs are too clogged to breathe.

2. Go outside. Seeing neighbors or not, I have so much beauty surrounding me, we all do truly if we have the gift of untouched land, old growth, trees, clean water, etc near us.  Seriously neighbors aren't important when you look through these lenses.

3. It's going to be okay.  Look.  Shit’s going to get real, but at the end of each day I somehow look at it and no matter what happened I know it's okay.  Sounds strange with our situation but it's just a feeling that I'm so thankful I have.  No seriously I don't care if you think I'm delusional you won't take this one away from me

4. Create something.  When I'm really working through something let me splatter some paint, and when I'm really trying to get in touch with my light I weave.  Both bring me to the other side of many moments.  That's why they mean so much to me.

5. Pull out my notebook and write. Even if it's the same sentence over and over until I get it all out. Writing helps process all that is built around these moments, and processing helps me work through them, and get the lesson.

Looking around at social media this week of elections, I see a lot of people having moments. So yes have your moment, but then do your work (whatever it is for you), and get yourself to the other side; where life is lived. 

Earth offerings

There's a misconception for those who are creative, that the flow is always there, and it's effortless.  Often when you see someone posing their creations, you aren't seeing what goes into the process.  We all have a process, and some share it openly and others keep it sacred and private.

Neither way is right or wrong, because it's whatever works for that person; but it should be known EVERYONE has a process.  I see people stop themselves from trying to go on a creative adventure, because they think, 'If it doesn't just come to me, then it's not meant to be.'  

Sure there's a certain magic to those who can sit down and just create beautiful art that moves people, but I assure you there's a process there, even if they don't know it.  I am sure of this, because I was once on the other side looking at people and thinking, "Wow, look how they just create, I could never do that."

Now I get messages where others think the same about me.  Every time I get a message like this I'm reminded how much I need to share the process.  Share the moments where I'm staring at a blank canvas, a blank screen, an empty loom, or a pile of beads; with no clear direction in sight.  

I have found a process that works for me, and I wanted to share as it's something that I feel like everyone can incorporate into their lives.  Just as I mediate daily, I do walks in my yard daily.    Everyday I walk around, and everyday I notice something different & mind you we have less than an acre of land.  I find beauty in the leaves, the acorns, pine cones, pine needles, the feathers, the weeds growing wild, the different trees, the plants there on purpose, the ones there on accident, the ivy taking over different spots, the sun dancing through the leaves, etc. 

It doesn't take much space, and if you're capable of walking, going outside anywhere where there is nature can start this process for you.  I find a colored leaf that sparks a painting idea, a pine cone or an acorn I want to use for a mala (yes if you look in my shop there are some available with acorns and pine cones), or some wild flowers growing I want to dry for a weaving.  Maybe you're thinking, "Sure Hope, this works for you, you're Earthy."  

Yes, that's why it works for me; but don't forget we're all from the Earth.  All we need is the gentle reminder of how much she supports us, to use her as our muse.  I encourage you today to step outside in nature today, and look around.  What inspires you?  What do you find?  Then share it with me.  Remember if you have the ability to walk and see; this is a blessing that shouldn't be taken for granted.  If you have someone like Steve in your life maybe gather a collection of Earth offerings to show them, or take some photos.  Because we could all use some momma Earth healing.  

Earth's gifts I gathered today, as always to share her energy with Steve, but to capture a photo to share with y'all too. <3 

My clear insight is reflected in my outer sight.

"My clear insight is reflected in my outer sight."  This is my mantra for the time being.  

Clarity in the world, is greatly dependent upon what eyes you are seeing the world through. Often, we don't realize how much we are shaping our realities.  We assume the world is just happening around us; but really our perceptions of what's happening and then our reactions really do shape a lot of our reality.

I don't think it's until this kind of understanding of life happens, do we even sit and think; "Wow I made that be what it is," about a lot of significant things in our lives.  Once you adopt this understanding of life, you will see almost every situation differently than before.  

I don't know how other people choose to utilize this kind of information, but for me now I find myself sitting in meditation, suddenly seeing something clearly.  It's a large part of the reason I have such a consistent mediation practice, is because not only does it help ground me, and teach me to find my still space; but it reveals me to myself.  

If I'm looking at a situation with truth, I will see it differently than with resentment.  If I see something with love vs hate, it can change the course of my entire life.  Nothing made this clearer, than observing how I respond to Steve.  On days where I looked at Steve with anything other than love (impatience, anger, resentment, bitterness; yes these all exist in my world), then I would see Steve not respecting my time, and then I would say something smart to him, while helping him; thus making him feel more of a burden on life, and often yes it would make him feel sick that day. 

Now I suppose to some of you this sounds ego driven to believe I have that kind of power over Steve's life, but if you have ever witnessed our world first hand and not just via a blog or social media; you will agree.  So I make it my life's mission everyday to see Steve out of a place of love.  Obviously I'm human, and I still make mistakes, but those mistakes offer lessons to lessen the frequency of mistakes; since being mindful of this process.  

My clear insight is reflected in my outer sight. 

With the falling of the leaves...

Sitting at my writing nook inside today, I look out at the crisp fall and can feel the chill as I watch the wind blow leaves to the ground.  With each crispy leaf, I see the branches that were once weighed down with overgrowth of green, raising towards the sky.  

The trees showing no signs of mourning the loss of their leaves, they appear more upright and sure of themselves.  Again allowing nature to be my muse; through observing the ways the trees, birds, squirrels, and flowers respond to what they are faced with each day, truly inspires my way of being.

This fall I've been reflecting on what I need to let go, like the trees.  This morning as I was watching the leaves blow in the wind I was able to see clearly.  I want to let go of the thought that I'm too much or too little of something to be who I want to be.  

Yesterday was a pivotal moment for me, I finally decided to hire someone to help me with some paperwork, insurance, administration, stuff I let pile up on me, stuff...

Several people had suggested to Steve and I that I need an assistant for a few hours a week to help with that stuff, but my stubborn self thought I could do it all; until I had mounds of excess admin stuff falling on me to finally accept that I needed the help.

Finally the realization that I needed to let go of the feeling that I have to do EVERYTHING will allow me to do the things I do the best that I can.  Admitting I need help, and finally accepting it, without it making me feel like I'm not enough.  That's my lesson for the fall.  As I am preparing to meet with my friend who will be my assistant, I'm excited.  I feel the same as the trees, and find myself rooting down and standing more upright.  

What are you releasing this fall?  Please share in the comments! :) 

Heady Heady, feeling heady baby *sing to the tune of Heavy from dream girls

Today after wound care, Steve was grimacing in pain and said his butt hurt.  After assuring the pad wasn't wrinkled and the bandage was on, we decided (more like I decided) it was time to play with the rotate feature on the bed.

Of course right away I realized I had understood the directions wrong, and it had him on his side too far, folded like a pretzel.  The minute I looked at his pained face, I immediately started panicking.  As I'm frivolously  pushing buttons, I have him suddenly flopping from one side of the bed to the other, with no solution in sight.

Suddenly as I'm yelling at the bed, I get the idea to hit the off button, which is supposed to "center patient" however it continued to push him to the side, and his face grew more and more panicked; which again had me pushing buttons.  Thankfully a friend is here spending the night, and after hearing a few "what the f's" flying out of my mouth, she came running in.  Her interruption alone brought me back down to the ground and together we helped situate Steve and after we all had a small giggle.

Of course, as I sat with Steve after I said, "Why the hell can't I just stay calm when things go wrong anymore?"   

He thoughtfully paused, and started typing on the tobii, "You know the answer already Hope, you're not grounded."

If you know me well enough, no matter what your beliefs are; you know I'm a heady person. I'm spiritually connected,  with ideas flowing non stop, always full of words, and often able to know things that will happen hours, days, sometimes weeks before they do. This isn't the problem though.  The problem is that while I have become comfortable with the heady side of myself; I have yet to master the grounding.  

I've been meditating consistently for close to 3 years now, and while I have obviously grown in astronomical ways, it's the pause to plant my feet firmly on the ground while in stressful situations, that I have no grasp on.  

In case I haven't made this clear in the past 5 years, let me say it again; it takes a lot to keep me on the sane side of the ever moving line.  That line I speak of is the sanity/insanity line.  My practice has really helped me stay sane, and fully be able to sit in some of the chaos around me; and since my Ayurveda training, I've shifted my focus of my practice to helping me ground.  I eat grounding foods, use grounding smells, etc; but still when the going gets tough; I lift my feet off the ground and start flying around.

My friend who helped today said, that it was like I was an insect just jumping and flying around trying to solve the problem.  People can see it, I'm 100% in my head.

If you follow my blog closely you will see on Sunday, I handled a crisis with both feet on the ground. I wrote a blog on it because it felt similar to how I always pictured I would feel receiving my noble peace prize; today however, that response was no where in reach.  So why am I so in-congruent? 

I don't have an answer to that.  I just have the knowledge that I am, and the knowledge of what to work on.  There is a comfort in that, and I hold on to that for dear life; because it's not productive for me to beat myself up for the panic response.