Please, actually just feel it.
I recently read an article about how people are allowing feelings to stop them from reaching their full potential. It said, to ignore your feelings and push on.
.sigh. This left me feeling, A LOT.
I read the sentence 3 times, to make sure I was reading it correctly and to actually recognize how the sentence was making me feel. My heart sort of sank because I knew this article was being digested, downloaded, and processed by thousands of people. Envisioning thousands of emotionless robots walking around forgetting that they have these things inside to help guide you. You see, feeling life is a difference between being present and mindful and being numb and disconnected.
"Oh suck it up." "Oh stop being so dramatic." "Stop being angry." "Stop being emotional" "Don't let it hurt your feelings." "You're not tired, keep going." "You're being too sensitive" "You're so irrational" "Crybaby." "She's so bipolar." "Why are you so moody?"
I could keep going with the thousands of things we say to each other, and ourselves; but you get the point.
The thing about feelings, is that unless you actually feel them, you can't work through them. I know some of these phrases developed when people have spent too much time in one feeling, or couldn't fully handle all that they were feeling, and yes there is an art to processing your feelings; but ignoring them isn't that magical technique. The key is to always recognize what you're feeling, not ignore it.
Truly recognize it, understand where it's coming from, sit with it for a little, and then work through it.
Until sitting in front of my computer to write my story, I had been ignoring my feelings for years. So much anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal, confusion, sadness, envy, and fear hidden inside, that it was spilling out into other areas of my life. Suddenly feeling triggered by something innocent, I would release these feelings onto the wrong people. It was only when I stopped to untie the knotted up feelings inside, through each knot I would work through, the hold on me became less and less. Ignoring the feelings, only gives them more strength to intertwine into your being, but recognizing them gives you the power over them.
Next time you feel something, I want you to practice something. Find yourself some alone time to sit in silence, and speak the feeling out loud. "I'm pissed." Feel it for a minute, then take a few deep breaths. Ask yourself, "Why am I pissed?" Follow the thought, it will take you where you need to go. As you reach the point of why, ask yourself, "What am I going to do about it?" Make a plan of action, because in case we haven't realized this yet, feelings are always there to show you something. After you make a plan, sit for 5 minutes in total stillness and focus on your breath. Breathe the feeling in, but more importantly breath it out. As you begin to get into your breath pattern, start to breathe in peace and release the negative feeling. The feeling that was once pissed can now transform to determined. Some of those most influential people I know have been able to sit with these negative emotions and learn to sit in the kitchen, so to speak, until they can cook up some inspiration from them. Some of the best writings have come from people processing their sadness and grief.
You see, feeling life is the whole point. We aren't meant to be some heartless machines wandering around knocking others down on our way to the top. We are supposed to feel the guilt for the thing we did wrong, feel the sorrow for someone's loss, feel the frustration for unfair treatment, feel the joy for someone else's accomplishments, feel the extreme gratitude for another breath.
Unless you are allowing yourself to feel the negative, you aren't really feeling the positive either.
If I could edit this person's article, I would say, "People aren't feeling enough of life to reach their true potential." Because, truth is, feeling life is our biggest guide, our biggest teacher, and our biggest connection to one another. Without it, well, without it, we have what is happening all around us; a disconnected, ego driven, violent, race to the top.
Dream a dream of butterflies and bees landing on me. :D
I want to write about a dream I had last night. I'm elated when I can remember my dreams, because most nights I'm so exhausted from the day my subconscious seems so be snoozing too. Interpreting dreams might be one of my favorite things to do, aside from painting.
Starting my dream I was surrounded by beauty, I was in a valley covered in lush greens, and wildflowers as far as the eye can see, patches of lavender and sage filling the air with an aroma that I swear I smelled when I woke up this morning. There were tree covered mountains surrounding the valley and birds, squirrels, deer, chipmunks, butterflies, bees, and essentially every creature wandering around seemingly not phased by me. As I was walking along the path I was really trying to absorb the scenery, I was noticing the sky sparkle with the sun, and the magical hue the rays gave everything it touched. Big fluffy clouds that looked like cotton, scattered about the sky looking like it was dipped in coats of paint, scattered from every shade of pink to purple to orange.
I found an opening in the field, and as I sat down, a butterfly landed on my hand, as I was looking at it in awe, from the patterns of yellows and blacks, a voice interrupts my silence, "Hello Hope." I look up to see a tall woman with long curly brown hair wearing a white flowing dresses.
"Where am I?" I ask almost breathless from all that I'm taking in.
"You're here to show the difference of the two sets of eyes," as she started to explain I am mesmerized by her voice talking softly and in a flow. "You are here because you were chosen to help show the world, that it matters what set of eyes you use, to see the world."
I stare blankly at her, as if to wait for her to explain more. Then suddenly she stands up, and comes over to me and places her soft hands on my eyes, "Now show her the other set."
Suddenly opening my eyes to a mosquito biting me on my cheek, as I slap the bug away, I see a whole new scenery. What was once a lush green valley is now all dead. No growth for as long as the eyes can see. I stand up, having to immediately sit back down, as my head was spinning. There was a thickness in the air, that made it hard to breathe. Taking in a few deep breaths, I slowly regain my strength and balance. Walking, there are no butterflies happily suckling from any plants, no buzz of the bees, and as I look up I do notice the trees still on the mountain tops, "Ok, well at least there's still trees I say."
Suddenly, the woman appears this time dressed in rags, "Hello again." Her voice still sounding like a soft exhale.
"What happened?" I plead as I can't take my eyes off the dead grass, she quickly motions for me to follow her.
As we follow I am suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to find the good, and I ask if we can walk to a patch of yellow I see in the distance. Approaching I see they are sunflowers, and I start to slowly jog to them! "Look," I'm shouting back at her, "They're so beautiful." Taking in the sunflowers a bee comes and lands on my nose. Laughing, the bee suddenly talks. 'I'm loosing it' I start thinking.
'You did it,' the bee said. The voice actually sounding much like Steve's voice prior to ALS.
"What? What did I do?" I mumble, as the bee flies off.
Blinking my eyes suddenly a new world shows up, one where there is equal amounts of beautiful lush scenery and brown dried up scenery. I sit for a moment and watch as another butterfly comes and lands on my hand. Hearing the wind suddenly say, "Now go tell the world to choose better eyes to see from."
That's it, that's all I remember.
I sat in reflection of this dream this morning after mediation, knowing I wanted to write on it. The meaning is obvious to me, and I'm sure to everyone reading this. It's a concept that I've probably even touched on before. If you take two different people to the same scenery, one person will notice the dead patches of grass, the flowers that didn't survive, or the trees that may be dying. The other person will notice all of the growth, the creatures, the thriving trees.
Why do people see the same world so differently? Some without even realizing they do! It's as simple as choosing which eyes you see the world out of. Do you look for the beauty or do you look for the destruction?
I know there is a place of importance in recognizing the destruction; such as: climate change, the violence that occurs in the world, etc. Seeing that they exist is an important thing, but it's almost more important to recognize the beauty that is still there as well. In fact I think the whole purpose of this dream is that it is the difference between a life well lived and a life, just lived.
Today (and everyday) make an effort to notice 5 things of beauty in your day. On days where it feels extra heavy and dark double or triple that number. The more you actively seek the beauty, the more it will present itself to you.
Remember, everyday you get to choose. What eyes do you see the world from?
Starting my dream I was surrounded by beauty, I was in a valley covered in lush greens, and wildflowers as far as the eye can see, patches of lavender and sage filling the air with an aroma that I swear I smelled when I woke up this morning. There were tree covered mountains surrounding the valley and birds, squirrels, deer, chipmunks, butterflies, bees, and essentially every creature wandering around seemingly not phased by me. As I was walking along the path I was really trying to absorb the scenery, I was noticing the sky sparkle with the sun, and the magical hue the rays gave everything it touched. Big fluffy clouds that looked like cotton, scattered about the sky looking like it was dipped in coats of paint, scattered from every shade of pink to purple to orange.
I found an opening in the field, and as I sat down, a butterfly landed on my hand, as I was looking at it in awe, from the patterns of yellows and blacks, a voice interrupts my silence, "Hello Hope." I look up to see a tall woman with long curly brown hair wearing a white flowing dresses.
"Where am I?" I ask almost breathless from all that I'm taking in.
"You're here to show the difference of the two sets of eyes," as she started to explain I am mesmerized by her voice talking softly and in a flow. "You are here because you were chosen to help show the world, that it matters what set of eyes you use, to see the world."
I stare blankly at her, as if to wait for her to explain more. Then suddenly she stands up, and comes over to me and places her soft hands on my eyes, "Now show her the other set."
Suddenly opening my eyes to a mosquito biting me on my cheek, as I slap the bug away, I see a whole new scenery. What was once a lush green valley is now all dead. No growth for as long as the eyes can see. I stand up, having to immediately sit back down, as my head was spinning. There was a thickness in the air, that made it hard to breathe. Taking in a few deep breaths, I slowly regain my strength and balance. Walking, there are no butterflies happily suckling from any plants, no buzz of the bees, and as I look up I do notice the trees still on the mountain tops, "Ok, well at least there's still trees I say."
Suddenly, the woman appears this time dressed in rags, "Hello again." Her voice still sounding like a soft exhale.
"What happened?" I plead as I can't take my eyes off the dead grass, she quickly motions for me to follow her.
As we follow I am suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to find the good, and I ask if we can walk to a patch of yellow I see in the distance. Approaching I see they are sunflowers, and I start to slowly jog to them! "Look," I'm shouting back at her, "They're so beautiful." Taking in the sunflowers a bee comes and lands on my nose. Laughing, the bee suddenly talks. 'I'm loosing it' I start thinking.
'You did it,' the bee said. The voice actually sounding much like Steve's voice prior to ALS.
"What? What did I do?" I mumble, as the bee flies off.
Blinking my eyes suddenly a new world shows up, one where there is equal amounts of beautiful lush scenery and brown dried up scenery. I sit for a moment and watch as another butterfly comes and lands on my hand. Hearing the wind suddenly say, "Now go tell the world to choose better eyes to see from."
That's it, that's all I remember.
I sat in reflection of this dream this morning after mediation, knowing I wanted to write on it. The meaning is obvious to me, and I'm sure to everyone reading this. It's a concept that I've probably even touched on before. If you take two different people to the same scenery, one person will notice the dead patches of grass, the flowers that didn't survive, or the trees that may be dying. The other person will notice all of the growth, the creatures, the thriving trees.
Why do people see the same world so differently? Some without even realizing they do! It's as simple as choosing which eyes you see the world out of. Do you look for the beauty or do you look for the destruction?
I know there is a place of importance in recognizing the destruction; such as: climate change, the violence that occurs in the world, etc. Seeing that they exist is an important thing, but it's almost more important to recognize the beauty that is still there as well. In fact I think the whole purpose of this dream is that it is the difference between a life well lived and a life, just lived.
Today (and everyday) make an effort to notice 5 things of beauty in your day. On days where it feels extra heavy and dark double or triple that number. The more you actively seek the beauty, the more it will present itself to you.
Remember, everyday you get to choose. What eyes do you see the world from?
Here borrow my lighter.
When's the last time you complimented someone? Not just liking a photo on instagram, or expressing hair envy, or talking about that outfit being on fleek (say did I use that right? Look at me I'm hip. ;)) Those are all nice and everything, but what about soul compliments. Like, "Hey you know you're a really good communicator, I appreciate that.", or, "You are capable of changing the world with a brain and heart like yours.", or, "You are really creative and talented. I hope you know everything you do is magic." :)
Have you ever wondered what our world would look like, if we handed out genuine positive feedback like we do with negative. I believe there's always a place for the negative feedback, but in so many circumstances that's all I see some people doing. BALANCE. How many times will I write about this word in my blogs. I should actually start logging it. Because, if we could start to truly look for the good in people it will change the world.
Let's use me as an example. I was beat down in grad school. My professors all had me to believe I wasn't capable of pursuing what I had decided was my life's purpose (be a counselor), and really that I wasn't capable of much of anything really. Our last year, we attended an internship, and after a month spent with my new boss, he called me into his office. I was so sure he was going to remind me of my flaws when he started, "I notice you have very little confidence in yourself, but now that you've become comfortable around me I can get you to open up. During conversations about cases you're more insightful than colleagues I've worked with for years, but around anyone but me you freeze up. What if you just gave yourself permission to see if you can do this, because I believe you can. In fact I see you as one of the more influential therapists of our time, if you can do some work on yourself."
In that very instant my boss changed the course of my life. With simply him taking the time to see past the layers of the negative to see the light in there. Everyone of us has a light inside of us, and some just need a reminder. What if we had told some of those acting out in violence what was good inside of them? Do you think they would have still committed the actions? Maybe? Maybe not, in my mind I would guess half of them could shift back.
So I ask again, when was the last time you complimented someone? Because, maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to shift someones life back in the right direction. We are all in this together, we are all capable of love, and we are all capable of changing someone's life for the positive.
Let's light each other's candles again.
Have you ever wondered what our world would look like, if we handed out genuine positive feedback like we do with negative. I believe there's always a place for the negative feedback, but in so many circumstances that's all I see some people doing. BALANCE. How many times will I write about this word in my blogs. I should actually start logging it. Because, if we could start to truly look for the good in people it will change the world.
Let's use me as an example. I was beat down in grad school. My professors all had me to believe I wasn't capable of pursuing what I had decided was my life's purpose (be a counselor), and really that I wasn't capable of much of anything really. Our last year, we attended an internship, and after a month spent with my new boss, he called me into his office. I was so sure he was going to remind me of my flaws when he started, "I notice you have very little confidence in yourself, but now that you've become comfortable around me I can get you to open up. During conversations about cases you're more insightful than colleagues I've worked with for years, but around anyone but me you freeze up. What if you just gave yourself permission to see if you can do this, because I believe you can. In fact I see you as one of the more influential therapists of our time, if you can do some work on yourself."
In that very instant my boss changed the course of my life. With simply him taking the time to see past the layers of the negative to see the light in there. Everyone of us has a light inside of us, and some just need a reminder. What if we had told some of those acting out in violence what was good inside of them? Do you think they would have still committed the actions? Maybe? Maybe not, in my mind I would guess half of them could shift back.
So I ask again, when was the last time you complimented someone? Because, maybe it's time. Maybe it's time to shift someones life back in the right direction. We are all in this together, we are all capable of love, and we are all capable of changing someone's life for the positive.
Let's light each other's candles again.
mirror mirror on the wall...
A friend of mine once told me, "If you can learn to see everyone as a mirror, your self growth will increase exponentially."
I didn't really take heed of this advice immediately. In fact, I didn't want to see the things some people were showing me. When someone would bother me, instead of realizing these people were showing me where this trait exists in me, I just wanted to cut them out of my life. So I did. Over and over. I became an expert of cutting people out of my life. In fact I would guess, some of you reading this are thinking, "Yep, she did this to me."
Now let me add here, as it is important; some people NEED cut out. Some people are so toxic for you and even if you try to see them as a mirror, truth is you and them just aren't meant to coexist. This is okay. I say this because, after I became very aware of my quick cutting, I started letting people stay because I thought for sure there was something they were trying to show me, or I thought I was there maybe to help show them something. I allowed people to even steal from Steve and I. I sat aware of this happening, but didn't pull out the scissors right away because I kept trying to find my reflection in that mirror. Sometimes people are there to show you what you SHOULDN'T accept in your life.
Like all things in life, balance applies to this. Surprised? I shouldn't be, but I was. After understanding the difference between people holding up that mirror and people being toxic; this quote has changed my life. What once drove me nuts about people, now is opening my eyes to the existence of this behavior in me. As I then address this in myself, I can then find myself seeing past these traits in others.
I will say that more people show me behaviors I have in myself some days than I can do on my own.
Just a few examples: When I have a disagreement with someone, I think I'm 100% right so much so that I won't listen to other people's sides. I didn't realize that until really paying attention to arguments with Steve and my mom. Both are full length mirrors for this. Understanding I have this trait helps me to become more aware in the middle of a disagreement, that listening is more important than always being right. People who speak open judgement often remind me of how much judgment I'm carrying around; mostly of myself. This was an interesting one for me: A friend was talking about all of the projects she had going, and how she couldn't finish any of them because she was too scattered: this was like looking into one of those awful magnifying mirrors. You know the ones with the bright lights that you can see every imperfection on your face. One more example for good measure: I have a friend who says they will do something by a certain date, and when they inevitably don't I'm pissed! After the 3rd time of this happening, I thought to myself, where in life am I doing this? No surprise, it was sprinkled in almost every area of my life: from writing in my book, to doing stuff for Steve, to Hopie Hippie, etc....
Mirrors are everywhere and when we stop shattering them, and choose to look directly in at the reflection staring back at you, that's when real change happens. Who are your mirrors? What are they teaching you? I would love to hear from anyone willing to share theirs.
Present in time.
Time.
Time.
Time.
Not enough of it. Too much of it. Where does it go?
Goes faster in the flow. Pauses in moments of love. Flies when you're having fun.
Quit wasting my time. Make the most of your time. How much time is left?
Time.
I have an interesting relationship with this 4 letter word. Interesting in a sense where I value time greatly as it's amount is unknown and never promised yet I still forget sometimes....it could run out...at any time....
Around this time 5 years ago, Steve, began his long journey towards an ALS diagnosis. I will never forget the weeks that led up to the official diagnoses (happened in August); the ups and downs, the emotions, fears, times of pause, time flying, time dragging in doctors offices inspecting their faces for answers, waiting times for doctors appointments, times spent on the internet googling symptoms and self diagnosing, times trying to forget there's even a problem,...
It wasn't all negative because Steve and I were newly in love, I had already made up my mind that even if it was something awful, I wasn't going anywhere. Four months was enough time, in this circumstance, to know he was the one.
I have a new perspective on time because of Steve, and it's value, yet I still find myself snapping at people, "You're wasting my time," instead of fully giving of it to those who need it, or I find myself "wasting it" by spending too much of it, reading about other people's time.
Time.
I have come to believe that truly learning how to best spend this luxury of time, is the most important lesson one will learn.
Maybe the first step of this, is this appreciation of it I have. Until you can appreciate it, how can you manage it properly?
It's time, for a commitment, to time. To proper use, proper management, and proper presence.
Proper presence. To truly be present in all situations makes for enough time, great use of time, and peace with however much time is left.
Time.
Time.
Not enough of it. Too much of it. Where does it go?
Goes faster in the flow. Pauses in moments of love. Flies when you're having fun.
Quit wasting my time. Make the most of your time. How much time is left?
Time.
I have an interesting relationship with this 4 letter word. Interesting in a sense where I value time greatly as it's amount is unknown and never promised yet I still forget sometimes....it could run out...at any time....
Around this time 5 years ago, Steve, began his long journey towards an ALS diagnosis. I will never forget the weeks that led up to the official diagnoses (happened in August); the ups and downs, the emotions, fears, times of pause, time flying, time dragging in doctors offices inspecting their faces for answers, waiting times for doctors appointments, times spent on the internet googling symptoms and self diagnosing, times trying to forget there's even a problem,...
It wasn't all negative because Steve and I were newly in love, I had already made up my mind that even if it was something awful, I wasn't going anywhere. Four months was enough time, in this circumstance, to know he was the one.
I have a new perspective on time because of Steve, and it's value, yet I still find myself snapping at people, "You're wasting my time," instead of fully giving of it to those who need it, or I find myself "wasting it" by spending too much of it, reading about other people's time.
Time.
I have come to believe that truly learning how to best spend this luxury of time, is the most important lesson one will learn.
Maybe the first step of this, is this appreciation of it I have. Until you can appreciate it, how can you manage it properly?
It's time, for a commitment, to time. To proper use, proper management, and proper presence.
Proper presence. To truly be present in all situations makes for enough time, great use of time, and peace with however much time is left.
the space between
I have so much excitement for a weekend with my momma, and after some loving visits yesterday I am feeling reconnected with both feet on the ground. I wanted to do a small follow up to yesterdays blog, and let y'all know I will be taking the weekend off. I'll be back Monday.
I know it's no surprise that a message prompted this blog, and I remind you not to be afraid to send me feedback even though I love writing about it. :) That's what life is all about though, giving one another constructive feedback and continuing to help each other grow and move forward.
This lovely message I received was a nice reminder of how important the space between is. How many Dave Matthews fans are now singing? Insert music note emoji. Okay...I digress.
The space between. What is that exactly? According to Dave it's the space between tears, that has moments of laughter, that keeps you coming back for more. For me yesterday, it was the space between feeling the heavy emotions of the chaos in the world, and realizing Steve's wound had gone backwards. The space between is important, and without this lovely reminder I might have actually forgotten that.
I don't enjoy disconnecting as a coping mechanism, but sometimes it's all I can do. It's all any of us can do, and it's okay to have a few days there. I want to add to yesterday's by adding this. It is okay to have the space in between where you collect yourself, your emotions, and your energy to continue to be present and mindful in all areas of life.
What I was mostly referring to was the thousands of those who live there all the time. We all know at least one person who does this. Without naming any names think of someone you know that is in a constant state of disconnect. Now on the flip side, how about those who never take the time to disconnect. Two different types of people both forgetting to allow the space between.
I read a beautiful article yesterday on how we are sent to awaken one another, in a world of sleeping minds; and I love this concept. Recall a moment where you had a conversation with someone and with a simple sentence they may have planted a seed that fully blossoms, and forces growth inside of you. These moments are profound and have a lasting positive effect on your life. I want to recognize that it's just as important for us to remind one another to take pauses and enjoy the blank space between as well.
In a mad world, it's really all we can do, is help each other through it all. I would like to encourage everyone reading this to give some encouragement or feedback today. It will probably take you 5 minutes, and those 5 minutes can vastly improve upon someone's life for years. What a beautiful gift we all have to give to others. I know every single message I receive from you all has a lasting effect on me, and I'm forever grateful for them.
Quick update on Steve: As you've read in several blogs and posts we've been dealing with a pressure sore on his booty since April. While, we have greatly improved we recently had an unexpected set back. It was slightly discouraging, but also I'm reminded of how blessed we are that he still has the ability to heal. I'm happy to announce as of yesterday we are back headed in the right direction of healing. Nothing's taught me more patience than this sore, in my lifetime; so I am strongly focusing on the lesson and the positives here. Thank you all for praying for us, sending good energy and love, thinking of us, and constantly supporting us in a multitude of ways. You all greatly improve our lives!