Nurse Aide
Nurses and caregivers are some of the best people in the world. Taking care of our sick loved ones, taking care of us, taking care of their families, and them. Managing it all with grace.
I feel like sometimes they don't get enough credit, although since being Steve's been diagnosed I have seen ways in which nurses do get some of the love they deserve, but a group of people I see not getting as much attention is nurses aides.
They might be some of the most undervalued people around.
Have you ever tried to give a completely paralyzed, vented, 160 pound man a bath by yourself. As you struggle to get him turned, through tears from both parties, putting your knee in his back to keep him turned, you first make sure trache isn't being pulled because the vent does that EVERY time you move them, trying your best to prop his unstable neck/head on a pillow, and not opening up the 30 just closed wounds by simply brushing it into something. Then you have the issue at hand. The BM, that made you have to turn him to begin with. With one hand and leg supporting his body you're on one leg and with one hand you have to clean up a not so solid BM.
Facts aren't always pretty y'all. But with an aide, it goes from battle to a peaceful, successful, much needed, deep cleaning. Time to put into wound care and bandaging and the right positioning post bath to prevent future break downs. The moral support while the patient may still experience pain, is the most comforting things for a carer. It's as equally satisfying to have help to comfort your loved one as it is to get them REALLY clean.
If you're an aide, let me tell you, I love you. Truly. You have a tough job, yet most of you make us feel calm while we are experiencing some rough stuff together. I guess that's why you become family so quickly, in times like these. We have a few friends & Steve's parents who have come to help me clean Steve, and those that may not be blood related, we're still family (Thank you Jeremy, Meredith, Jason, Meredith 2, Camille, & Garrett xox).
I feel like sometimes they don't get enough credit, although since being Steve's been diagnosed I have seen ways in which nurses do get some of the love they deserve, but a group of people I see not getting as much attention is nurses aides.
They might be some of the most undervalued people around.
Have you ever tried to give a completely paralyzed, vented, 160 pound man a bath by yourself. As you struggle to get him turned, through tears from both parties, putting your knee in his back to keep him turned, you first make sure trache isn't being pulled because the vent does that EVERY time you move them, trying your best to prop his unstable neck/head on a pillow, and not opening up the 30 just closed wounds by simply brushing it into something. Then you have the issue at hand. The BM, that made you have to turn him to begin with. With one hand and leg supporting his body you're on one leg and with one hand you have to clean up a not so solid BM.
Facts aren't always pretty y'all. But with an aide, it goes from battle to a peaceful, successful, much needed, deep cleaning. Time to put into wound care and bandaging and the right positioning post bath to prevent future break downs. The moral support while the patient may still experience pain, is the most comforting things for a carer. It's as equally satisfying to have help to comfort your loved one as it is to get them REALLY clean.
If you're an aide, let me tell you, I love you. Truly. You have a tough job, yet most of you make us feel calm while we are experiencing some rough stuff together. I guess that's why you become family so quickly, in times like these. We have a few friends & Steve's parents who have come to help me clean Steve, and those that may not be blood related, we're still family (Thank you Jeremy, Meredith, Jason, Meredith 2, Camille, & Garrett xox).
Change your perspective...change your world.
As of now everyone's heard of the glass half full or empty lesson. Some people laugh it off, "Who cares just drink it.." Some people no matter how well life goes, always sees it as empty. Some even when the cup is actually empty still see the last drop in that glass.
We all have a choice how we see life. We can choose to seek out the beauty that the world has the offer and allow it to take our breath away. We can also choose to focus on the bad that exists all around us.
Do you walk into a garden and notice the 1 dying plant before you see the hundreds of blooming beautiful flowers? Do you curse nature for allowing rain to take the petals off of trees, or do you stand outside and allow the rain and petals fall on your face?
If you choose what you see can excite you and motivate you every single day. It can just as equally discourage you and bring you down.
Some say it's so easy to see the negative, it's there right in our face. How can we miss it? Sure. Maybe it is. I'm here to tell you though, the positive is just as easy if you try.
If you're one of those who already finds the beauty out there naturally! Give yourself a high five or a hug! Keep doing it and I promise it's having a positive influence on our world. <3
If you struggle, and YOU WANT to see more of the good, I have an exercise for you. After you read this, go outside and find 5 things that are beautiful. Seriously, stay out there until you find it. Soak in the beauty and repeat this exercise everyday and add 1 a day. Until you find yourself outside in marvel of how beautiful everything really is.
It is that simple. You CAN train your mind to seek out the good, IF you want to. This doesn't mean you ignore all bad things until it comes crashing down around you, it just helps you have a better perspective while facing the bad. Yes one of my 50 plants are dying, it's okay. It doesn't mean I should give up trying to grow food, herbs, and flowers because one didn't make it. If all I noticed was that one plant, I might quit. It happens all the time.
So yes, some days bad things happen, but even then, the world has 109083408397's of really life changing, mind blowing, great things as well. Let's see more it.
We all have a choice how we see life. We can choose to seek out the beauty that the world has the offer and allow it to take our breath away. We can also choose to focus on the bad that exists all around us.
Do you walk into a garden and notice the 1 dying plant before you see the hundreds of blooming beautiful flowers? Do you curse nature for allowing rain to take the petals off of trees, or do you stand outside and allow the rain and petals fall on your face?
If you choose what you see can excite you and motivate you every single day. It can just as equally discourage you and bring you down.
Some say it's so easy to see the negative, it's there right in our face. How can we miss it? Sure. Maybe it is. I'm here to tell you though, the positive is just as easy if you try.
If you're one of those who already finds the beauty out there naturally! Give yourself a high five or a hug! Keep doing it and I promise it's having a positive influence on our world. <3
If you struggle, and YOU WANT to see more of the good, I have an exercise for you. After you read this, go outside and find 5 things that are beautiful. Seriously, stay out there until you find it. Soak in the beauty and repeat this exercise everyday and add 1 a day. Until you find yourself outside in marvel of how beautiful everything really is.
It is that simple. You CAN train your mind to seek out the good, IF you want to. This doesn't mean you ignore all bad things until it comes crashing down around you, it just helps you have a better perspective while facing the bad. Yes one of my 50 plants are dying, it's okay. It doesn't mean I should give up trying to grow food, herbs, and flowers because one didn't make it. If all I noticed was that one plant, I might quit. It happens all the time.
So yes, some days bad things happen, but even then, the world has 109083408397's of really life changing, mind blowing, great things as well. Let's see more it.
Metta Bhavana
I've been doing some pretty awesome guided meditations lately, and the Metta Bhavana is my favorite. It means loving-kindness meditation. Some of the mantras used in these meditations have stuck with me through my days well into weeks, that I wanted to share.
I use the insight timer app for my daily meditations, that helps time my meditations as well as provides a wide variety of guided for days where I need a little more structure.
Metta Bhavana:
May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May I be happy and peaceful.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I show loving kindness.
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be healthy and strong.
May you show loving kindness.
Something about using these mantras opens my heart to feeling peaceful, happy, healthy, and loving. I use it on days when I don't feel particularly loving or kind, I will say it with others in mind that may benefit from it, shoot I use it on the whole world regularly by saying, "May all beings be..."
If there's anything our world needs during this tumultuous time it's love and kindness. It starts with us. The more we show ourselves it, the more we shine it upon others, the further the ripple effect can go.
May all beings show loving kindness AND be shown loving kindness. <3
xo
I use the insight timer app for my daily meditations, that helps time my meditations as well as provides a wide variety of guided for days where I need a little more structure.
Metta Bhavana:
May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May I be happy and peaceful.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I show loving kindness.
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May you be happy and peaceful.
May you be healthy and strong.
May you show loving kindness.
Something about using these mantras opens my heart to feeling peaceful, happy, healthy, and loving. I use it on days when I don't feel particularly loving or kind, I will say it with others in mind that may benefit from it, shoot I use it on the whole world regularly by saying, "May all beings be..."
If there's anything our world needs during this tumultuous time it's love and kindness. It starts with us. The more we show ourselves it, the more we shine it upon others, the further the ripple effect can go.
May all beings show loving kindness AND be shown loving kindness. <3
xo
Hey God, it's me again. Hope.
When Steve was first showing signs of progression with ALS, was when I really had to learn it's okay to ask for help. I was drowning in being a newly wed, new caregiver, trying to work, and the new realities of ALS. It was all hitting us at once, and I realized quickly I couldn't do it all.
The idea of me not being able to do it all, made me feel not good enough. Thankfully our beautiful friends had a "come to Jesus" chat with me and sat me down. Through tears I listened to them talk about how capable I was but how it was okay to need help. How them helping was a blessing to them and not a burden. They opened my eyes to when people ask, "How can I help?" They really want to help. It's not just a blessing to me, but to them as well.
I've grown a bit more accustomed to accepting that just because I need help doesn't mean I'm failing at anything, in fact it's a strength to realize and be able to accept help with grace.
However, I've become so used to needing help in some areas, that I've become so stubborn against asking for help in others.
For instance with God. God's pulled some epic miracles with Steve, as the complications of life with ALS has tried to take him from me so many times. God's been amazing at using Steve for making people like me have faith again. However, I found myself not feeling comfortable to ask him for anything else.
Why would I ask God to help me handle stress better? I mean I should just freaking handle it, and I began living life like it was my job to HANDLE everything about me without asking for help from God or anyone else. I need so much help with Steve and our aging house these days that anything else seems excessive.
Recently I began praying again. Not really something I would do unless it was for Steve or another family member, or if my mom was doing her "Let's pray," that she so frequently does. I began praying for energy to do all that I intend/hope to do. I began asking for focus, and strength, and patience.
To my surprise the already busy miracle making God, did have time for me. After I ask, the answers almost always show up. From a book recommendation from a friend that same afternoon, to a quote I read when I first open my instagram. It's amazing when opening yourself up to help, how you find yourself growing.
So today I'm here to remind you---it's okay to ask for help. Whether it be a friend or God. In fact it's more than okay. It's life changing.
xo.
The idea of me not being able to do it all, made me feel not good enough. Thankfully our beautiful friends had a "come to Jesus" chat with me and sat me down. Through tears I listened to them talk about how capable I was but how it was okay to need help. How them helping was a blessing to them and not a burden. They opened my eyes to when people ask, "How can I help?" They really want to help. It's not just a blessing to me, but to them as well.
I've grown a bit more accustomed to accepting that just because I need help doesn't mean I'm failing at anything, in fact it's a strength to realize and be able to accept help with grace.
However, I've become so used to needing help in some areas, that I've become so stubborn against asking for help in others.
For instance with God. God's pulled some epic miracles with Steve, as the complications of life with ALS has tried to take him from me so many times. God's been amazing at using Steve for making people like me have faith again. However, I found myself not feeling comfortable to ask him for anything else.
Why would I ask God to help me handle stress better? I mean I should just freaking handle it, and I began living life like it was my job to HANDLE everything about me without asking for help from God or anyone else. I need so much help with Steve and our aging house these days that anything else seems excessive.
Recently I began praying again. Not really something I would do unless it was for Steve or another family member, or if my mom was doing her "Let's pray," that she so frequently does. I began praying for energy to do all that I intend/hope to do. I began asking for focus, and strength, and patience.
To my surprise the already busy miracle making God, did have time for me. After I ask, the answers almost always show up. From a book recommendation from a friend that same afternoon, to a quote I read when I first open my instagram. It's amazing when opening yourself up to help, how you find yourself growing.
So today I'm here to remind you---it's okay to ask for help. Whether it be a friend or God. In fact it's more than okay. It's life changing.
xo.
Silence the inner chatter
A typical day in my mind goes something like this, as I'm rolling out the yoga mat, "I should do yoga twice a day, at least start meditating 3 times a day...Wonder how tight my hamstrings are today." Pause breathe let it go. I make it through the practice with only 3 interruptions from the puppies where I totally give in and let them love on me.
Time to meditate. Some days I'm in the zen, other days my mind has lots of noise "Okay so I have to wash Steve's pads today before his bath, and remember this time to put it in the dryer, I have to package those malas I was supposed to mail out last week, I have to start our taxes..." Bell rings as a reminder to come back to the present moment, I shake my head like I'm shaking the thoughts out of my mind, like I would with water in my hair. Deep breath, and, "Don't forget you need to take your test, oh and that chapter in the book still needs work...wonder what I will blog about..." Shaking my head again I sigh as the bell rings.
Burning sage I take a big inhale to clear the cobwebs which is interrupted by the phone ringing, talking to the pharmacy, "Why does Steve still have this lung infection?" "What new tincture can I try?" I wonder how my herbs are doing?" "Oh I better go water my plants."
Off to water the plants, as I'm halfway done telling them my "I love yous...."
Interrupted by Steve's alarm, that sounds much like a car, As I'm walking back to his room, "Oh I need to figure out why the VW won't start. Why have a car that just sits in the driveway?" Steve's up time to do his morning routine. Suction, breathing treatment, trache care, brush teeth, wash face, "what am I forgetting?" "How do I still forget things, I've been doing this how long?" Oh yeah, empty pee, wash areas of skin that need washed daily, meds, rearrange arms after a nights sleep...Steve types, "Don't forget to call comcast about the TV out there, and follow up with the rat guy, and call pharmacy for refill, and find out where tax forms all are, you're running out of time."
I walk out of the room, and suddenly I used up all my brain space, I know I have a list of 100 things to do but now there is too much chatter for me to be even able to focus on any task. I'm ready for sleep and it's only 11 o'clock.
Does this sound familiar?
This is a challenge, I'm sure many others face daily. The inner chatter has left me exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to focus. What now? How am I supposed to accomplish anything?
Let me preface this with, I AM STILL practicing this. I in no way have control of my mind 100% of the time, but I'm making progress.
How you ask?
When the chatter becomes overwhelming I stop everything. I grab my trusty journal and write it all out. The mundane tasks, the dreams, ideas, etc. As I stop and sit and write it out, slowly the chatter of to do's turn into beautiful ideas, and inspirations.
I then close my eyes and take 5 minutes to sit and breathe and to clear space for all I have to accomplish. I then look at what I wrote down and prioritize. What MUST get done today. Okay I circle things, and then include a few what extra would I like to accomplish, and circle them. I then go at it one thing at a time. I have a mantra, Do what you can, and really do it, be there, and let the rest go.
Most importantly, I practice to only be working on that task. Not to be thinking of the 15 other things I circled for that day. I often say, "It's there in that journal to remember for me, I don't need to use this brain space right now," and come back to whatever it is I'm doing.
It's a practice and some days I do so well at clearing the inner chatter, I celebrate the control I have on my mind. The next day I'm eating humble pie and reminded that I still have work to do.
As you practice removing the inner chatter, much like practicing yoga, you see your mind stretch. You find it easier to come back to the task (as long as you don't let the negative self talk derail you). If you're like me where your mind is constantly going 100% of the time, try to have moments where you come in silence and work it out. Don't be hard on yourself, and keep practicing. Because in the end, it's our practice that shapes our life.
vulnerability
It takes a certain vulnerability to share your lives with others. You are putting your inner most thoughts, and personal events out there for people to see; and you don't always know how people will receive it.
I used to cringe when feeling vulnerable, when someone would ask me a personal question, or even sharing struggles with friends; let alone the internet world. I wish I had a recipe for teaching people how to accept the vulnerable moments in their lives, because once I did things shifted for me in amazing ways.
Opening yourself doesn't just allow room for negative responses, which yes may happen, it opens you up to some of the most positive experiences you will ever have. Your friendships will deepen because they know they are getting the real you. People will relate to you, because they too have these same feelings!
When Steve & I first made the decision on sharing our lives, I used to feel pressured to always say or do the right thing. It was overwhelming and would lead me hiding in a corner and not wanting to share our lives. Even still some days I'm overwhelmed and take breaks from it; which is okay. Because taking breaks is allowing me to be in tuned to my needs.
However, since sharing our thoughts and feelings and including everyone on the good and bad, people then felt like they could relate to us more, and the connections with our followers deepened. Some days I sit uninspired and lay around having movie days with Steve, and some days I say the wrong thing, some days I can't do anything right. It's all okay and I feel better with sharing the vulnerable moments, because I want everyone to know that these moments will happen; then you get through them and feel more inspired on the other side.
So today as I share a vulnerable thought with you all, I hope it helps you find comfort in your moments.
Steve has gotten to where he no longer feels comfortable leaving the house. Which, is totally okay and his choice. It's a beautiful thing we have such a cozy home full of lots of magic and a place he feels safe. I however, find myself feeling like I've failed him. If maybe I had done more stretches it wouldn't be so painful to move, maybe if I could finally tune into where/when his anxiety is triggered I could stop it, etc.
My mind is a beautiful place full of lots of ideas that have blossomed into beautiful things, but it's also full of the I'm not good enough's. That (I've shared before) I am working on.
So today I am thankful for the beautiful friendships we have developed and their understanding of our situation. I'm thankful that I feel okay being vulnerable and I know the not good enough feelings will pass. I know that Steve and I will continue to make the most of our days and we are blessed to have so many people to help us in that!
So with vulnerability I've opened myself up. What can you experience if you allow it?