Lying in the shadows

Today as I sat here already blanking on what to blog about, on day two back to blogging; I watched a reflection from a glass globe blowing in the wind project shadows on my wall for 10 minutes.  The idea of watching the shapes come and go was more interesting than digging through the piles of loosely tied words floating in my head.

There's a misconception when someone has a blog, that they must totally have their lives together.  It's one that I've carried for a long time, that actively would stop me from writing that day.  I would think things much like this (today), "Gosh, I can't write a blog today, the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the last hour was spilling urine on my sweater and a shadow/light show on my wall."  

This misconception is my own, in case I didn't make that clear; but I know others share it with me.  I've heard in conversations with talented friends, "I can't do that, I'm not a good enough _____ (fill in the blank)." 

How are are our misconceptions holding us back?

For me, I belittle myself on a daily.  I think because we stay home we can't have that much to share.  I think because I'm not landing book deals, or getting a new documentary, or selling out of product, or.... I'm not doing enough.  

The part I'm leaving out is, I do more in my day than I have figured out how to convey.  There have been blogs written on my day, photo shoots, even videos; but from the time I wake up to lay down, more happens than I used to do in a week, yet I still feel like I'm not doing enough. 

Much like the sunlight displaying beautiful shadow figures on my wall, I allowed some light to shine on some things lingering in the dark, to show them for what they are recently.  So here today I want to share my 5 biggest self sabotaging behaviors I'm hoping to leave behind in 2016. 

1.  Comparing myself to others.  The majority of people I find me comparing myself to, live in a completely different world than I do.  What do I mean?  I mean, their loved one doesn't have a terminal illness that requires 24/7 care.  It's not fair to compare yourself to others, because your worlds aren't the same, and they aren't supposed to be-so don't try to make it.
2. Thinking that what I do is insignificant. I've been taking care of Steve for sometime now that I find myself zipping through things, where until I'm teaching someone, I forget how kick ass I am.  I'm learning more to applaud myself on my doings, even if it's, I remembered to change the suction canister before it started to smell; because in my world, that is significant. 
3.  This may seem like a remake of #1, but I promise it deserves it's own: Less time on social media.  It's a challenge, because I truly sometimes only connect to like minded people on there.  I may see 10 people in my week, but those 10 people may not be "my people", so my only way to connect with a community is sometimes on social media.  However, I then use that to justify hours of my day spent on there.  It used to be feeling like I needed to respond to everyone to it becoming wanting to see what everyone's doing so I can comment to them.  I hope 2017 brings more in person community, with people who I can have conversations with about how the energy I used to cook Steve's food with helped him as much as the food itself, without getting blank stares.
4. Understanding that I don't have to do it all, all the time. Oh but I want to! I touched on this yesterday but it's important to include again.  This past month taking time to spend in rest, I really had to tell myself it's okay that I wasn't up doing something.  I battled the guilt monster every single time I sat down.  I would have the thoughts that, "Joanna Gaines probably doesn't have days where she just sits around."  There I go comparing again, right?  Reminding myself that in order to be there for what I am doing, I have to simply NOT DO sometimes. Reference hamster wheel I referred to yesterday. 
5. Telling myself, I am incapable of doing something. I CAN do anything.  If anything proves that, it's our life here today.  There's been more days than I probably share, where my prayer is, "just let us get trough this day," and we do.  Because whatever I truly put my energy into, I can do it.  So no more, I can't be a true artist, or a blogger; because I'm not good enough.  The only reason I would not be good enough for something, is from not doing it because I didn't think I could.  

If you have any of these self sabotaging behaviors, you're in good company. ;)  Will you join me in kicking them to the curb?  Because when we allow ourselves to be, we will see, we're already amazing, capable, and significant.